is this love?

19

i woke up the next morning feeling better than when i had went to sleep. i was just overwhelmed with emotions because i had misunderstood me and matt's relationship. or friendship, i should call it.

since today was our last day at the cabin before the weekend was over and we would have to go back to school, we decided to party hard. literally. elmer and josh had some friends that live around here and they are throwing a house party tonight. apparently their parents are out of town, i mean obviously.

today was more of a chill day. we slept in and hung out at the cabin pretty much all day. we went out to get some fast food, but other than that we just stayed at the cabin. truth be told we didn't really know what else to do and i'm pretty sure most of us were exhausted from doing stuff all the time and we just needed a day of peace and relaxation.

things with matt were normal. he was acting normal. me on the other hand, i was kinda weird and stand-offish when i woke up, but as the day went on i got out of my little funk.

it was almost time for the party and i was getting ready with nick and madi.

"what lip gloss is that that? i love it." madi asked me.

"it's just nyx butter gloss. got it from walmart."

"i'll look for it the next time i go."

nick sighed, "you girls and your makeup." he flopped on the bed dramatically, as he was finished getting ready because he does a lot less than we do. that's when i got an idea.

"hey," i said turning to face him, "who says boys can't wear makeup."

"boys can wear makeup. i just personally choose to let my natural beauty shine on its own." he said defiantly, sitting up.

i grabbed my makeup bag. "let me."

"no." he answered.

"come on. just a little light something like some blush and mascara."

"mascara?!" he sounded terrified.

"it's not that bad." i said sitting next to him.
he gave in and let me do some liquid blush and little mascara. he wouldn't let me curl his lashes though.

"god, just let me do it," he said grabbing the mascara wand from me, "i know how to put it on, i'm not that incompetent."

"y'all are exchanging eye bugs." madi said before spraying hair spray on her fresh curls.

"how?" nick asked.

"sharing mascara. there are microscopic bugs in your lashes."

"don't make me think about it." i cringed.

"okay. how do i look?" nick turned to us smiling.

"gorgeous." i said.

"absolutely stunning." madi agreed.

"aww, hype me up why don't you." nick posed.

"you are sure to pick up a hottie at the party." i complimented him. then i remembered our neighbor's grandson. "oh, wait! are you still with cameron?" i asked him curiously.

nick looked at me incredulously, "uh, no. that was just a fling. we snap still, but i'm allowed to talk to other people."

the door opened and matt poked his head through the door. "are you guys almost ready?"

"ready." nick replied. i spritzed on some perfume and we left.

the house was blaring music that you could hear from outside. walking in i was hit with the instant scent of alcohol. teenage bodies were dancing and grinding everywhere.

"this is my kinda party!" josh hooted as he joined the sea of hormones.

i dont party much. there are better things to do with my time. not to mention i never get invited. this isn't my first party, but it's safe to say i'm not the biggest party animal.

i decided even though i have school tomorrow and truthfully we she be headed home right now, that i was going to let loose and have a few drinks. hey, i wasn't the designated driver anyway.

speaking of designated driver, in the corner of the room i saw matt talking to a girl. a blond girl. i looked closer to see it was netty from putt putt. i felt instantly jealous. same as i had last night.

this was the perfect excuse to top off my smirnoff with two vodka shots. i went to where the drinks were and grabbed a shot glass and the bottle of vodka. so much for keeping it light.

i filled my glass and threw it back. i squinted my eyes at the bitter taste. i took a deep breath before filling the cup again and throwing another back.

i wandered around searching for something to occupy my mind when i saw a group of kids sitting at a couch with smoke fogging the air.

i knew smoking or drugs or anything was a bad idea while i've been drinking, but i just couldn't help myself.

i walked over to the people who were all high off their asses.

"heyyyy," one of them said to me, holding a blunt. "what are you in the mood for?"

i looked around at them. they all had something. most of them were smoking what smelled like weed. there was one girl huffing something on the coffee table and i was little surprised to see two guys with a lighter under a spoon filled with white powder and a glass of water. i gulped when i saw a set of needles and one of the guys taking their belt off. they had all the supplies for making a serious drug like meth.

"ummm..." i focused back on the guy in front of me. "just some mary jane would be nice." i told him with a smile before going to sit down at the free spot on the couch.

he came back to me soon after with a joint in hand. "thanks." i smiled at him, taking it from his hand and grabbed a near by cigarette lighter.

i had been just sitting there smoking that joint, doing and thinking about nothing.

when i finished i got up and headed over to the dance floor. i didn't really have a plan or purpose, i was just wandering. i had lost sight of my friends a long time ago, but none of them have called or texted me.

i was about to join the crowd when i ran into someone.
"shit. sorry." i said sounding dead to the world. i looked up to see it was chris.

"y/n! what have you been doing?" he was his usual happy smiling self, except a little too happy. he was probably a little drunk. i could tell by how stupidly big he was smiling.

"lots of things." i said with a smirk.

"people?" he asked still grinning ear to ear.

"no." i said then looked behind me. "just drinking and..... smoking." i answered nonchalantly, mumbling the last part.

"what?!" he bursted out laughing, "you are going to regret that tomorrow." he said calming down.

i don't know what it was. maybe it was the colorful lights dancing around him or the glimmer in his eye or maybe it was the way his voluminous hair fell around his head so perfectly, but i kissed him.