is this love?

25

matt's room is dark except for the dim light shining in through the window and the glow from his computer monitor. "lock it just in case." his voice startles me from the other side of the room.

i do as told and then step closer and closer to where matt is propped up on his elbows on his bed until i'm stood in front of him staring at the silhouette of his face illuminated by the street light coming in through his window. he stares back at me and i can't find any distinct intention or emotion in his eyes although I hear it in his voice when he whispers, "come here."

i don't hesitate as i let myself fall beside him. i lean over him and continue staring into his eyes. it feels like it's been a thousand years since i last did. even in the dark his eyes are like deep blue portals of pure but concealed emotion and i just want to search them until i finally know what he wants to say or could say but doesn't. i lean closer and closer until our faces are just an inch apart. i break eye contact with him just long enough to glance at his lips. his perfectly shaped lips that i know how warm and soft they are. when i look back up to his eyes, they hold a more intense look and i actually know this time what they mean. i lean in and kiss him deeply and he softly sighs like he's been waiting his whole life for this moment. he kisses me back just as passionately and i feel his hands slip around my waist and he pulls me closer.

my hair is still slightly damp from my shower and i have to toss it to the side so it doesn't dangle in matt's face. it's still in the way so i eventually pull back so i can tie it back with my hair tie.

"didn't think we were gonna go that far..." matt jokes with a light laugh and i just roll my eyes but i can feel my cheeks heat up.

i lean in place my lips back on his. "i'm sorry by the way." he mumbles against my mouth. i just wait for him to elaborate. "i knew netty made you jealous but i dated.... talked to her anyway."

"it's okay." i say back. "it's not like we're dating anyway. i had no right to be jealous. i think i just misinterpreted what we are to each other." i barely whisper the last part. it goes uncomfortably silent for a while.

i'm thinking of what to say when matt speaks up, "i would be jealous if you were with someone else too."

i'm slightly taken aback. he would? "really?" is all i can manage to say.

"yeah." matt responds. my arm is starting to get a little sore from hovering over matt like this so i lay down on my back next to him. I just stare up at the ceiling and exhale the breath i didn't know i was holding.

matt turns over on his side to face me. i glance over at him and he's staring at me. "what?" i ask quietly. matt just shrugs. i turn my head to face him. i can see his hair is all messy and disheveled, but in a perfect way the ends right over his eyes. it's grown out since he last cut it about a month or so ago. it gets hard to breath sometimes when i look at him and admire how attractive he really is. i will never understand all the girls at school that think chris is the hotter twin. a lot of girls have either asked or wanted chris to go to prom with him ever since he dropped laken when i told him about how she used me. prom is this friday and i am pretty sure me and matt are still going together. as friends. that word has become annoying lately. friends.

i feel finger tips graze the side of my face. i look back at matt and he has a fond look on his face.
"i love when you daze off like that." i melt under the adoration on his face. i don't think anyone has ever payed more attention to me than matt. it's like he notices and adores everything i do. like i can do nothing wrong. except for kiss chris.

instead of saying anything back, i lean closer to him. our lips connect softly and i savor the feeling. i lean into him and our bodies press together. i take a deep breath, inhaling his scent. he hums contently and i let my arms wrap around his torso as i indulge in his warmth and he does the same. his lips are so soft and delicate against mine. his hands wrap around my waist and pull me in closer. i run my fingers up to his hair and tangle them in his thick locks. our kisses become deeper and more intense. matt's tongue grazes my bottom lip and i open my mouth willingly. his tongue slides in against mine sensually. i have to remind myself not to make
any noise or else nick and chris might hear.

i roll on top of him and straddle his hips. he lets out a small groan and i shush him. his hands grip my hips lightly and he tries to make me grind them on his but that would not be a great idea so i push his hands away while still keeping our lips connected. his hands make their way to my waste instead and i hold back a gasp as they sneak under my shirt. his thumbs gently rub against my the skin of stomach and i pull away a little for air. he touches my lips with his fingers and try to kiss them before he pulls them away. i grab his hand back and press a kiss to his finger tips. i place his hand beside his head on his pillow and interlace our fingers. matt leans up and whispers in my ear, "give me a hickey." i kiss his lips to push him back down. "only if you give me one next." i whisper back.

my lips find his neck and i kiss around until i find a spot he likes. i kiss the lower part of his neck and he lets out a small whimper. i kiss it again and then suck on it and matt grips my shoulder to contain himself. as i work on his neck his hands fall from my shoulders to my chest, dangerously close to my boobs. then out of nowhere there is a knock on the door, "matt, why's your door locked?" it's chris.