Setting Into The Horizon (Painted Colors Series 1) ON HOLD

Chapter 24

Chapter 24
Setting Into the Horizon

Sorin Koa

I feel so raw today; like there is no skin over my pain and the wind makes it even bleed.

My father left too soon. He died too early. Was I deserving of this amount of pain? Did I do anything wrong in the past for me to suffer like this? If I only knew this would happen, I should've tightened my embrace to him and not let him leave the house.

After fainting, I woke up like there's a missing piece of my heart. I still couldn't process everything but I knew I had to act fast. Mommy wouldn't be able to process my father's papers to register his death. She resorted to getting herself drunk to the point where she will just sleep throughout an entire week of my father's wake. She lost and blamed herself for what had happened. That was the most painful part for me.

The day of the burial came. I had to force my mother to attend and give her eulogy. And like a miracle, she went straight to the shower and cleaned herself. She didn't speak a single word throughout the mass and when it was finally her time to talk, I assisted her to the small podium.

She never did once take her sunglasses off because if she did, everyone would know how much she cried. My mother's hand trembled as she held onto the microphone stand.

"S-samuel..." her voice broke. "Our marriage was not perfect... We knew to ourselves that we lack something. We were too focused with our careers and business that we almost forgot that we have a child who was left alone here. We promised to give her everything, a perfect life. A perfect family. But how can I make all of that, now that you are not here beside me?"

I had no tears left to cry. My eyes have dried out and all I have right now is the heaviness inside my chest.

I looked around and noticed that almost everyone was crying after listening to my mother's words.

When it was finally my turn, I bravely put my chin up and held the microphone. My gaze went to my father's casket , "Hello, I'm Samuel Gomez's daughter. I want to thank you all for coming today to honor my dad. I know some of you traveled a very long distance to pay your respects and I know my dad would have loved to see you all together." I started. That was probably the most boring introduction I have ever heard.

And unfortunately, it came from me. I just spoke without thinking much of what emotion I should be putting up. I am not an actress and most importantly, I am scared to show everyone my emotions. I don't want them to pity me.

"All my life, I was always a Daddy's girl. He'd give me everything I wanted. My dad and I had this secret tradition where we would go to the rooftop of our house to do stargazing. But before that he'll make sure that Mommy's asleep." I reminisced. A few chuckles were heard after my last line.

I continued to talk. The words I prepared last night were no use as I just let the grieving take over me. Like the pain I was feeling right now, my words also felt raw and unfiltered. "We'll always do that whenever he comes home from work. We've done that for eight times before he became so busy again. Yes, I counted. And I have also counted the times where I waited for him to knock on my door, bringing a blanket and a warm cup of milk because that was our cue to watch the stars. But unfortunately, it will never happen again. He was not a perfect dad. But I love him for who he was. I don't know how long it will take me this tremendous loss. My father was the most important person in my life and I feel broken to no longer have him here with us."

I inhaled a huge amount of air and spoke. "Dad, how will I live without you?"

It sounded strange—asking a dead person you love to give you tips on how to grieve his death.