Scumbag Actor Screwup System

Chapter 30 - The beginning of the end

Shen Yuan was picking up the mail in his workout gear that chilly spring morning, and the script was finally there. It was pretty heavy which seemed interesting. He'd signed the contract immediately when offered, not checking how much they'd pay immediately for the first time since he started working. (Of course he did check before signing, he was not that stupid.)

His therapist was happy that he was actually looking forward to it so much. At first it'd been a bit of a battle to get him to do things with purpose. She'd had him make a sort of life plan and decide things for himself. He had to pick who he wanted to be, which is a lot harder than what it sounds. He surprised himself a bit there, since he'd actually decided to be both an actor and a programmer. Engineer was a bit much for now, so he'd started a course to improve his coding while at the same time taking advanced acting lessons. He'd chosen that. He was choosing to improve every day, to exercise and to eat a healthy balanced diet, but balancing it by having ramen once a month and sweets or junk food once a week.

He opened the package and started reading what Qinghua and his flock of minions had come up with. Shen Yuan had helped with the outline, but the actual dialogue was entirely handled by the writing team since it would be hard to explain him suddenly joining them. This time Qinghua was a co-producer as well as the writer and the bold changes could be seen. Proud Demon Immortal Way was no more, this was a new piece altogether. There'd surely be an uproar when this came out.

The last scene had him feeling a dull pain in his chest. It was there, his own death, both liberating and sorrowful. He could kind of put names to those feelings. That was the other thing his therapist was making him do.

It'd started simply enough, when having the who-I-want-to-be discussion he brought up that he wanted to be straight even though his dick seemed to oppose. He wasn't even drunk when saying that, it just happened. He was talking and it slipped, how he sometimes got erections as a response to decidedly male input to his senses. He could even sort of admit it was actual arousal and not just his dick being odd. It was fucking annoying that his unruly shaft should react so unexpectedly, he was no teen anymore. He was going to decide his sexuality, not his cock.

That's when she pointed out his cock was a part of him.

It felt like a punch to the gut, and she punched him a few more times before getting him to analyze his feelings. What got him to buy the idea of analyzing this thing, was that he could acknowledge the feelings, watch them, name them and then not act on them. It was pure genius. He could be gay but not act gay. He could want to get fucked in the ass and never do it.

Even after that revelation he didn't unblock the Xu cousins from his phone. He'd been civil to Xu Tengfei when filming, but didn't get close or talk to him after the scenes were done. The guy tried to apologize but Shen Yuan cut it short.

"Let's pretend it didn't happen at all," he said in what he hoped was his most professional tone.

"Yes shizun," replied Xu Tengfei, bowing his head, "but if it didn't happen, why won't you talk to me?"

Shen Yuan had practiced a ton of possible answers, a shitload of excuses and valid motives but his gut told him to go with the raw truth.

"I'm in therapy trying to figure things out. And I'm still unhappy about that stunt you two pulled, really-"

"But I didn't-!"

"Even if it wasn't your fault, you knew. Otherwise you wouldn't have come to a hotel where you had no other business."

Xu Tengfei stopped talking and nodded, lips firmly pressed together as if keeping himself from speaking. Were his eyes a bit shiny? Surely not. He did, however, look angry as fuck, his brow dark and he turned away leaving the conversation.

Later he saw him sitting silently with Zakharov. He looked like the glaring, scary Binghe from the beginning, only with a mix of melancholy in there. A pang of pain and guilt attacked out of the blue. Shen Yuan still felt betrayed and sad, wasn't he the victim here? Shouldn't he be angry? He no longer felt like examining these feelings, it was much too exhausting. He'd focus on work insead.

The special they were now filming started with scenes of himself escaping the water prison, leaving behind Binghe's robes. That much had been shown during last season, but now it was a mouse and cat game of himself fleeing with his disciple chasing.

The first scene they'd be shooting was one where he rescued Ning Yingying from a sower but making it seem like he was attacking someone else and rescued her as a mistake. The scenes would all be ambiguous, making people believe he was evil just to show in the end he was good all along. Kind of like Snape but better executed and no TERFs involved.

"...Shen-shixiong," Zheng Fa called him by the cute nickname again, this time seeming a lot more secure about it. Was he maybe gay? Nah it couldn't be, Qinghua was mistaken at least in this case.

"Liu-shidi, how are you? Looks like you've been working out, you look great! We're on the same team this time around, aren't you glad?"

The man nodded and his lips curved slightly, "of course. It's always a pleasure to share a scene with you."

He felt the glare of Xu Tengfei sitting nearby and he just turned his back on him and walked to the set while keeping up the inane chat with Zheng Fa.

His favorite girls, Biya and Jia had already come to hug him and now it was Ning Yingying who did so. This one was much, much more awkward, especially after the heavy flirting that had been done on the kid's end.

"Shizun you can't die," she wailed.

"Uh," he was standing ramrod straight, much too straight, really.

"It's not up to him," interrupted Zheng Fa, arms crossed and cape blowing in the breeze.

Yeah it was totally up to him, but he couldn't tell others.

"We'll make my death count," he said, trying to squirm out of the girl's grasp. She finally let go.

"Will you come visit during next season? Or maybe go out to drink with us sometime? You were way too involved with the crew and too little with us."

Shit, was he really? Had he hurt his coworkers' feelings?

"Everybody take your places now," called the director and finally broke up the awkward encounter. He would have to think and actively decide who to go out with. True, he felt better with the crew, but if he wanted to be an actor then he had to make connections.

Qinghua had just arrived and smiled at him.

"Ready to die?"

"Never been readier," he answered.

Somehow the prospect made him happy. He felt more in control than ever before, and excited to be taking such a risk. No more was the Shen Yuan that allowed himself to be dragged and pushed, he was a new man. And no glaring Xu Tengfei would change that.

----Next Chapter - Chapter 31 - Xu Tengfei's sacrifice