Scumbag Actor Screwup System

Chapter 33 - The end of the end

CW: Suicide-like themes for Shen Qingqiußs death

Shen Yuan took a last glance at himself in the mirror before exiting his trailer. This probably wouldn't be the last time he'd wear this outfit but it sure felt like it. Today, at last, was the filming of the death scene. They still had a few other scenes pending, minor reshoots and a few without himself involved. And afterwards, he'd move on. He actually had another job lined up, he was to be the bastard stepfather in a contemporary fluffy romance drama. That one felt a lot more like acting than this. Somehow he'd merged with Shen Qingqiu in the last few months, it would be weird to go somewhere and not be called 'shizun' by everyone.

He stepped outside and met a very dirty looking Xu Tengfei a few meters from the set. His makeup made him seem sweaty and ragged, just like his own. They both looked like they'd gone through a lot.

"Are you ready, Binghe?" he asked with a subdued smile. There was a small ache in Shen Yuan's chest... just how much more painful would it be if he was really going to off himself for someone else? If he was to do it, maybe it would be for this young man. He was a kind soul, a good person.

Zheng Fa now approached Shen Yuan, they'd start the scene together. He looked as bad as Xu Tengfei, dirty and tired and it made Shen Yuan want to wipe his face and hand him some soup. It went beyond the makeup too, there was an odd tense silence, a sorrow hanging in the air that was truly palpable.

These men were great actors.

"Let's go Liu-shidi, one last time," he said, going to stand on the green box that would be photoshopped into a sword later. Zheng Fa followed and held him by the waist without speaking a word, but today his grip was stronger than usual. He almost fell backwards and ended up leaning into Liu Qingge as Binghe took place on the platform, his gaze dark and dangerous.

Shen Yuan stepped down and the scene started. Liu Qingge followed, immediately took a ready-to-attack stance.

"You never were good enough at keeping your cool, Luo Binghe," said Shen Qingqiu, holding no weapon, only his fan while slowly approaching him.

"I don't need to keep my cool before you if I don't want to. Now, Shizun, answer me this: why did you push me into the abyss?"

Shen Yuan smiled with no warmth in his face, then stepped forward. Would he have pushed Binghe into the abyss for the boy's own good? Or was he a coward, just hurting him for Shen Yuan's sake? He'd had no choice, really. But having hurt Xu Tengfei not so long ago he knew he was selfish. He'd done it out of cowardice, because he was scared of his kindness and scared of being loved by someone he didn't deserve. So he couldn't answer.

"ANSWER ME!" Binghe's scream was sorrow and desperation, like the child still crying for the loss of his parents. Like the boy thirsty for love he always had been. There were no effects to show the power of Xinmo taking over, no dark aura, nothing. Just the raw emotion. That was enough.

"Binghe, control yourself," the voice he used was stern, almost threatening, tightening the grip on his fan. He kept stepping closer, knowing what was next.

"Do not tell me to calm down, Shizun, you just keep running away, hiding. You coward!" His phrase merged into a grunt, an attempt to attack his shizun. But Shen Qingqiu wouldn't die by Binghe's hands.

It said so in the script and yet for Shen Yuan to let go of his fan for the last time, to stand behind Xu Tengfei, to put his arms around him and hold him close felt like erasing his own sins. Making it better. He would have chosen this. Hell, he chose this.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," he whispered, more to the actor than the character. The line was slightly different there but he continued with the script after the apology, "now it'll be fine. Now you will be able to wield your power safely. Don't let this be in vain," he held tight onto Binghe one more moment, enjoying the warmth before it was time to let go. He let himself fall backwards, he knew there was foam to catch him but not caring even if there wasn't. He'd deserve the pain if he really died.