Summerguard

CHAPTER 33: This is Who I am

~NICOLE~

How could I have forgotten that this was her hotel? I thought she had left for another country to do another gig. When she ran up to me, I forgot how much I missed her. Her touch, her beauty. Wait what? Nuh uh, I knew her for what? An hour? 

Slappy. Slappy.

But I deduced immediately. Her eyes did not linger on my eyes. They dropped slightly. Down at my neck. My newest scar. That served as a reminder of why we will never be. 

Joy and Paxton leave to give us privacy, and I bite my lip for what to expect from this unexpected reunion.

"Come to my room and we can chat," Gwen suggests, intertwining our hands, but I disassemble from her much to her dismay.

"You and I both know that we can't rekindle whatever we had," I take off the promise ring she gave me and enclose it over her palm. 

Her body sags which is strange for her usual posture and I feel a bit of guilt for making her feel that way.

"You deserve someone who can give you the affection and safety and love you deserve. I know that I am dangerous and scary and you hate that side of me, but it is who I am. I can't change that. It is my career, my blood, and my lifestyle. Yours is beauté et élégance. Any gentleman or woman is lucky to have you," I sigh and she kisses my cheek.

Naturally, I feel my entire body warm. 

"I understand. And as your friend, I wish you happiness and that you stay safe. And keep those around you safe, Nicky. Your other friend seemed jealous when she saw me, so I will keep you safe and give you your space to work. But, if you are interested in a drink or a chat, you still have my number," she said, leaving to go upstairs. 

Oh m g. I am incredibly lucky. Even if she isn't my partner or whatever we were, I have her as my friend. 

Wait...

Who is SHE protecting me from? Paxton? Jealous of me? She should know by now that Paxton and Chrysos are together. Oh, she might just have been confused and assumed that just because Chrysos isn't here that Paxton and I are an item. Pft, no way. Chryston all the way!

I take the elevator up to my room and step into Joy and I's room. The lights are closed and I guess she must be asleep. I go take a shower and brush my teeth before climbing in on the other side of the bed. When I lie on my back and relax, that's when I hear the soft sniffles coming from her. 

"Joy," I say gently as a lamb and she jolts farther from me. 

"Sorry, I don't even know why I am crying. It's all good. Nothing to worry about. It's not about you or anything. Wait, not that it was about you. It's a ton of things. Well, no, it's not anything. It's nothing. I'm fine," she says on and on.

My head is swimming and to stop her rambling, I push her shoulder down and she falls on her back to look up at the ceiling.

"What was that?" she gasps.

She turns to face me and although the light isn't on, I reach out my fingers and find her cheek which is still moist. I use my thumb to wipe any tears that still remain. It is not nothing. 

She swats my hand away and grips my wrist, "Don't do that. I don't think your girlfriend would be happy that you're here instead of being with her."

I take my hand off her and frown.

"We aren't together. We barely knew each other for a day and I was still figuring things out back then. We tried to make it work, but um she couldn't handle me. And I can't be with someone if they don't accept me for who I am. My life is pretty dangerous and dark I admit. I am constantly in danger and a threat to those around me, but I try to be an awesome person, but she just sees this," I end up telling everything I am feeling, touching my scar. It wasn't my intention to just open up, but it felt good.