Song For Someone

XIII

"Did I hear you right?" I asked her, Crystal dried her eyes, looking at me, she never hid anything from me, she knew she could come to me with anything and we could talk about it, but how she just dropped a bombshell on me and said that she loves Kennedy, I knew it before she even said anything about that topic. 

I could tell by the way they looked at each other that they loved each other, even when Tobias was causing issues, I knew they liked each other, Kennedy wasn't really good at expressing his feelings about how he loved someone, he always did after his mom died. 

I always did feel bad for him, he was such a nice guy, he deserved happiness, he just wanted to be happy, was that too much to ask? I felt bad for him when he had to go threw so much while we were in high school, with him cutting himself, having depression, and having horrible self-esteem, along with him thinking very low about himself and him thinking that no girl would want him then his mother died, which caused him to go downhill, he was clean from self-harm for about two years and he cut himself the day his mom died and he did try to kill himself, Clyde saved him that day. 

Clyde recently got diagnosed with PTSD due to all the times, he saved Kennedy, he has night terrors where he would scream and yell in his sleep and do all kinds of stuff in his sleep, and it either was Kennedy or Tobias who would wake him up from his night terrors. 

 I felt bad for Clyde as well, he is such a good kid, why would he have to deal with all of this, he barely gets any sleep anymore, due to his PTSD, and he keeps having horrible nightmares, what I heard from Kennedy, they are very bad nightmares.

I never questioned Clyde on them, I didn't want to make him uncomfortable when I ask him about it, it wasn't any of my business to begin with.

What was going on with Crystal and Kennedy was my business. 

I don't want Crystal to go threw another heartbreak, she had been in three relationships where all the guys broke her heart and she used to cry to me about it all the time, I felt so bad for her, and I know for a fact, that Kennedy would treat her right, he seemed like the type to do so, but I can't tell Crystal what to do since she is her own person and So was Kennedy.   

I couldn't tell them what to do on this, I was Crystal's wingman during this whole thing with her and Kennedy, I might've sucked ass at giving advice but I try my best on that, I told Kennedy to do what he thinks is best and listen to his heart and he took my advice and talked to Crystal & this is where it ended up at, with Crystal crying to me about Kennedy.  

I was looking out for Crystal as well and I knew for a fact, that when I see Kennedy again, I will be chewing him out, I know that Crystal wouldn't want that to happen but I don't care, I want to get into Kennedy's head and see what he had to say and find out what he told Crystal that night. 

I got home from work, I pulled into the driveway of the house, where I put my car in park, got out of it, locking it, I then noticed that Clyde's car was missing, I turned back to the house and walked in, taking my coat off and my shoes off, I jumped four feet in the air when I saw Felix standing there, looking at me, putting his hands on his hips, he looked like a mother, who was about to lecture their child. "Tell me everything right now!" He snapped at me, I was confused. "About what?"

"What did you say to Crystal?" I knew he was going to ask that. "Why?"

Felix put his mug down on the table we had by the front door. "Crystal was crying her eyes out to me last night about you, She was upset about how you acted with her!"

I knew Felix was going to chew me out about how I acted, Crystal tells Felix everything, and I knew she was going to say something to him about what happened.  

"Tell me, Kennedy."

"Okay, fine, We kissed again, I told her I didn't want to hurt her, and I told her she should go out with Tobias and not me!" I said, "I don't want to hurt her over how my past was, She deserves a better person than me, and Tobias is a way better person than me, he doesn't have a history of him, cutting himself as I do!"

Felix looked at me shocked. "And another thing, I wanted to tell her I wanted to go out with her but I knew deep down, I couldn't drag her down with me if I get down on myself again!" I shouted, "I love Crystal, okay, I love her, I don't want to hurt her! I never wanted to hurt her, then she said to me that I died in her arms, I already put her threw so much already, and she probably thinks I'm an asshole now but I can't hurt her, I can't do it to her again."

Felix stood there shocked. "Wow, Kennedy, I didn't know any of that."

"Well, now you do." I replied, "I love your roommate, Felix, I'm just scared to tell her." 

"She feels the same way though."  I looked down at the floor. "I know she does." 

"Then why are you scared?"

"I told you, I don't want to hurt her." I replied, "She has been threw so much because of me since she came down here, I don't want to mess her life up more." Felix looked at me with sad eyes.

Felix knew how much I had been threw with my mom dying and my other mental health issues, he knew I was looking out for Crystal, I mean, don't get me wrong, I loved her and wanted to ask her out but I couldn't do it, I couldn't hurt her, I lose either way. 

Crystal was my first kiss since I never kissed a girl before, she was the first one to make my first kiss happen, we kissed twice that's all we did, we didn't have sex or anything, we just kissed twice! She kissed me the second time, which I was very surprised about. 

The real question is why would she ever be interested in a guy like me? A trainwreck, I'm still not sure about what to do with this issue, I was at a loss on what I should do about it, Should I ask her out or just forget it and love her from afar? I didn't know at this point. 

 Felix snapped me out of my thoughts.  "You won't." He replied, "You won't hurt her, she understands."

 I stopped him right there. 

"You don't know that Felix, I could or couldn't." I said, "And that isn't a risk I want to take, Tobias would treat her better than I could." I walked away from him, not letting him say another word.

I didn't want to talk about it anymore. 

Crystal deserves Tobias, not me, He could be the guy Crystal would want, I wasn't the guy she would want.

He could have her, I'll even tell him that when I see him and if we can talk in private, without everyone hearing it. 

This is basically how my life is going currently and I hated it.