Alone again (byler)

chapter 1

Will

I'm afraid.

No, I'm terrified.

As I find myself  lost in Mike's endearing eyes, I feel myself start to succumb to the rapid beat of my  heart. Angst eats away at me as unease  blasts through my thoughts .I feel my breath hitch as I make a feeble attempt  to calm the storm brewing inside my mind.

Focus, Will.

I have to tell him.

I've been lying to Mike for too long. Each lie is just another ounce of anguish added to my pile of problems . Each glance he throws only brings me torment. His sweet smile is now only harrowing.

The scary thing is that these  feelings that have haunted me for so long aren't  my greatest demon. No. I have a bigger demon to fight. A demon that I can't ignore. A demon that's not just after me. A demon I can't hide from. A demon that I can't escape.

Vecna.

I know how he thinks and I know what he thinks. I know what he wants.

Over the past couple of weeks, he's been  taunting  me; reminding me of  the tedious past.

My guilt.

But, only recently has he been messing with my mind. My reality. He's been giving visions: using my shame against me.  I know what he is trying to achieve and I won't let him do it. I won't let him manipulate me.

I have to tell Mike.

I can't let my stupid feelings make me a burden. I'll become a liability. I can't afford to be selfish. I can't afford to be afraid.

We aren't kids anymore.

"Will? What were you going to say?" Unease ambles  in Mike's tone.

"Yeah I umm...." My heart beats like bullets as I face internal conflict. "I'm sorry..." I really am sorry. I'm sorry I am this way. I'm sorry for what I'm about to say and how it's going to change us. I'm sorry I can't be normal. I'm sorry my dad was right.

I'm sorry.

"Will... you haven't done anything wrong. You have nothing to be sorry for. Why would you even think that?" Mike's voice grows weary in  what I assume is confusion. He places his arm on my shoulder just like he did in Hop's cabin.

"I mean.I just..." I break on my words.
You never could keep it together. Could you, Will? Your dad was right.

You are weak.

"Hey... hey don't- don't be upset, Will. Come on please just talk to me. " Mike's voice softens as he fixates his gaze on me.

See what you've done?  You are a burden. You force  others to worry for you and your stupid issues.

" I'm Sorry. I just- I don't want to lose you." My words are unsteady but real nonetheless.

I have to to do this.

"What? Why would- Why would you lose me?" Mike's eyes scour mine in an attempt to search for an answer.

"What I'm about to say. We aren't... we won't be the same." I break the connection between our eyes and hang my head in shame.

"Will. Nothing can ruin our friendship. I mean best friends right? " Mike flashes a soft smile.

'Best friends'

'Friendship'

That's the problem, Mike. What I'm about to tell you could ruin both of those titles.

"Yeah... best friends." I release a mellow sigh trying to hold onto whatever fortitude I have left.