Alone again (byler)

Chapter 3

Tw for internalised homophobia/ biphobic phrasing. Damn this chapter is long  asf... the angst only gets worse from here LMFAOO .

~MIKE~

"Your room is cool." I smile as I take in my surroundings.

His room is cool. I can tell that he has been working on it ever since Mrs Byers managed to get their old house back.  I'm not quite sure how they pulled it off but I have a small hunch that Hopper had something to do  with it.

"Thanks." Will  responds offering a light smile in return. 

I feel a gush of warmth flood through me as i peer back at  him. Bashful, I  break my eyes away as a blush lurks beneath my cheeks and now I am already aware of what's coming next. The thoughts. Those thoughts. I find myself trapped inside my own mind unable to elude the power it holds over me.

Fuck. There it is. Those thoughts.

What would it be like?

What would it be like to kiss him?

Those lips.

What would it be like?

...

There is something wrong with me.

I know there is something wrong with me.

It's been getting harder to ignore since me and El's breakup. It creeps up on me like a separate entity waiting for when I'm the most exposed .
It's almost like the place where I retained shelter has been ravaged: Destroyed. Now I'm left with nothing to shield me away from those feelings.

Those thoughts.

I no longer have anything to hide behind.

I no longer have someone to hide behind.

But, then I can't help but contemplate on the gravity of these so called 'feelings'.
It could be stress that forces  me think this way: to have these feelings.

Yes.

Maybe it's the burden of the upside down that has engrained those odious thoughts into my mind. Maybe it's the strain of the world ending that has drilled these desires into my scull.

Maybe, just maybe, these thoughts have been put in place to confuse me. To throw me off. To fuck me up. For all I know it could be Vecna is trying to confuse me. To distract me.

Yes, it's just a distraction. He's trying to throw me off. These thoughts aren't mine. No, they don't belong to me. These thoughts aren't real. They can't be. It wouldn't make sense. It just wouldn't.

Sure, these thoughts may have been lurking inside my mind for years. But, they were never this bad nor this fucking consistent.

So, you know what I say?

I say Vecna is trying to mess with me.

I say Will is nothing more than my best friend. And, that's all I see him as. A best friend.

My best friend.

It's not wrong to appreciate my best friend for his beauty and there is no denying that Will is a good looking guy. I mean, all the girls wanted to be him through out middle school.

Can you blame them? No, Exactly.

There is nothing wrong with pointing out the obvious and the obvious is that Will is just a good looking guy. Which means he is nice to look at.

It's like observing an exquisite art piece. A kind of art that makes you feel all types of shit. All types of emotions, feelings. It's not wrong to observe. It's not wrong to appreciate art.