Alone again (byler)

Chapter 16

Sorry for giving you 15 chapters of depression. Here's a nicer chapter for you.

Will POV.

I'm back now.

I was gone. Lost in the midst of my own mind. Suffering at the corruption of my thoughts.
But, I'm back. He brought me back.

I'm still resting against him and the previous tears have simmered down into soft snivels and huffs. His arms are still gently wrapped around me as my head rests on his chest.

We've been hugging for at least 5 minutes now and in all honesty i could probably spend the rest of eternity resting in his arms. But, I can't. We've got shit to talk about.

My confession.

I gently separate myself from Mike's chest in which he slightly tenses at the change in movement. Now, we're both sitting huddled close to each other; both our knees held up tight to our chests.

"....So." I clear my throat; lacerating the silence.

"...So." Mike follows.

"We umm we don't have to talk about it... you know... what I said. We don't have to talk about it." I waver on my words in fear. Fear of the direction this conversation is destined to follow.

"What you said?" Mike furrows his brow in confusion.

"At my house... outside."  I hesitate as dread broils through my thoughts.

"Oh..." He pauses in contemplation: causing waves of anxiety to flood through me. "Uhh do you want to talk about it?" He attentively asks.

Do I want to talk about it?

Feelings. My feelings.

The feelings I had promised to chamber away from the world and it's truculence. The feelings that have foredoomed me for just to long. The feelings I'd let evade my lips and slip out of my grasp through raw impulse.

Those stupid fucking feelings.

I warily glance back at him: searching for just an ounce of loathing in his eyes. Anything  that would give me a reason to be afraid: to run away. But, there is nothing.

Not a drop of rancour or disgust; just his swollen gaze laced with barren tear trails.

"We could talk about something else." Mike cautiously continues. "...like about what happened with umm the cliff."

Oh, yeah, That.

The cliff.

A wisp of  unease floods through me as I look down in shame.

If he didn't follow me, I'd be gone. Dead.

How could I be so weak? So selfish..

And, the worst part is Mike was there. Mike had to see my like that. Mike had to talk me out of my weak, self-indulgent state.

Selfish. I was being selfish.

"Oh umm I'm sorry about that." I suck in a sharp breath.

"Will, please, for the love of God, stop apologising. You have nothing to apologise for."Mike beseeches.