His Only Beloved (COMPLETED)

Chapter 20

"Holding on is believing that there's only a past; letting go is knowing that there's a future." - Daphne Rose Kingma

Sy's Pov

Four years ago, i made a huge mistake na hanggang ngayon ay pinagsisisihan ko. Hindi ako naging mabuting asawa at ama sa mag-ina ko. I was a dumb jerk, and im not proud of that. Sino ba naman kasi ang proud na gago siya? I hurt my wife and i was the reason why our first born died. Napakasakit isipin na dahil sa pagiging gago ko nawala ang dalawang pinakaimportanteng tao sa buhay ko.

I admit, when i first laid my eyes on her, nagandahan ako sa kanya. But it still didn't change the fact that im still inlove with my ex girlfriend and hoping she will comeback to me. After our wedding, we became more close. Kung inaakala ng lahat ay sasaktan ko siya dahil kinuha niya ang freedom ko ay nagkakamali sila. Our parents was the one who made the agreement, not us. Kaya wala akong karapatan na magalit, because in the first place ay may responsibilidad ako sa kanya.

Ika nga ng iba, 'virginity is a gift'. At kinuha ko ang pinakaiingatan niyang regalo sa magiging 'the one' niya sana. I may be an ass but i always accept the consequences of my actions. Kaya pumayag ako na pakasalan siya. Ang tanging nasa isip ko lang naman noon ay kung talagang babalik si Sab sa buhay ko ay makikipaghiwalay ako kay Lou. Susuportahan ko nalang ang bata.

But of course, after years of being married to Lou, i just found myself falling deeply to her. Ilang beses kong pinigilan but everytime i saw her laughing and smiling with the 'ugly chokoys' ay naiinis ako. Bakit siya tumatawa sa mga badoy jokes ng mga empleyado namin? Bakit yung iba nginingitian niya samantala kapag kasama niya ako naiilang siya sa'kin?

When i confess my feelings to her, akala ko hindi niya ako papaniwalaan. Natatakot kasi ako na baka isipin niya nagjo-joke lang ako tapos irereject niya ako. Hearing her say "I love you" to me makes my heart pound louder. But of course, i'm still addicted on hearing her screams and moans every night.

Nang dumating sa buhay namin si Harold, the first thing that comes to my mind when i first held him was to protect him and his mom for the rest of my life. I promise myself that i will be the best dad i'll ever be when my son will grow up. Mamahalin ko sila ng ina niya as long as i live. But as expected...

Promises are really meant to be broken. Hindi ko aakalaing babalik ulit si Sabrina sa buhay ko. Yes, i was happy because finally nakita ko ulit siya. Makakasama ko ulit siya... but i can't be with her again because i already have a family.

At doon na nagsimula ang kagagohan ko. I cheated...

Alam kong mali ang kumaliwa at maghanap ng iba, pero hindi ko mapipigilan ang sarili kong temptasyon. Lust overpowered me. I heard that Sab and Sean ended their relationship a few months after my marriage. Dahil alam kong hindi na siya babalikan ni Sabrina. I thought, i won. But i didn't realize what i have lost.

Hindi pa ako nakuntento, dinala ko pa siya sa bahay namin mismo ni Lou. Narinig ko ang katok sa pinto but i didn't mind it at all because i was enjoying being inside Sabrina. Alam kong may posibilidad na marinig at makita kami ng anak ko pero sinambahala ko lang 'yon.

Hindi lang asawa ko ang sinaktan ko pati anak ko na rin. Para akong nakadrugs. Namamanhid ako kada hampas, sampal at latigo ko sa kanila. Napakaputangina ko talaga!

Noong nagkatumpok tumpok na sa isip ko na sobrang mali na nakipagsex ako sa iba, i was ready to let Sabrina go. But i can't. Hindi ko pa kaya.

Nagaway kami dahil sabi niya sa akin ay babalik ulit siya sa states. Iiwan niya na naman ako! I got myself drunk that night. Wala akong pakealam kung walang bantay ang anak namin sa bahay. He's three, malaki na siya para bantayan ang sarili niya! Wala si Lou dahil may duty ito.

Umuwi akong lasing at halos hindi na makalakad ng maayos. But i still manage to find my way home. Naabutan ko ang anak namin. He was cutting papers, hindi ko naman sana siya papansinin ngunit nakita ko ang papel na ginugupit gupit niya. It was my report papers na ipapasa bukas kay Dad! That papers are important!

Nandilim ang paningin ko, i unbuckle my belt and started hitting him on his butt real hard. I need to teach him a lesson! Hindi lagi ay nakukuha niya ang gusrto niya! He should stop being a spoiled freaking brat!

I heard his every screams and every please. But i did not stop there. Talagang nawala na ako sa isip ko at halos mapatay ko na ang anak ko. When i saw blood rushing down to from his body. Sumuka na rin siya ng dugo. I started panicking. Nakailang sorry na ako kay Harold. I keep on saying 'please hold on anak'. The last words i heared from him before he died was...

"You're evil..."

God it hurts! Why does it feels so fucking painful?! Kasalanan ko lahat...

My son was right, i'm a fucking evil! I ruined him and his mom's life. Tangina sana ako nalang..

Ako nalang sana ang kinuha...

My son died because of me, and my wife left because of me. Sabrina and I was so guilty. When i lost everything that i have. Ako na ang nakipaghiwalay kay Sabrina. Nakakagago lang isipin na kung hindi siguro namatay ang anak ko, at kung hindi ako iniwan ng asawa ko. Siguro hanggang ngayon gago pa rin ako.

Huli ko na marealize na sobra kong tanga. Kahit tatlong taon na hindi parin bumabalik si Lou sa akin ay umaasa parin akong uuwi siya at magsasama kami ulit.

I didn't expect na makikita ko ulit siya... i mean sila. Nang malaman ko na nasa california lang pala siya ay dali ko itong sinundan. I saw her with Hanz. The dude saw me watching them. Akala ko ay paseselosin niya ako, but i was wrong. Nilapitan niya ako at kinausap. Man to man talk kung baga..

"You saw her right?" he ask me.

I slowly nod. Ramdam ko ang galit niya sa akin, pinipigilan lang niyang bugbogin ako sa harap ng maraming tao.

"You saw him right?" he ask again, tumango ulit ako at hindi nagsalita. I don't know what to say to him.

"Then what's your plan?"

"Kukunin ko sila." I said with determination.

"Hmm.. i expect you to say that. Well, good luck to you then. She's not the same as before tho." sabi ni Hanz at tinalikuran na ako.

I know that, ilang araw ko na rin sila pinagmamasdan and i must say, she became stronger and bolder. Hindi na talaga si Lou na asawa ko dati.. she really did change for the better and not for the worst.

Hindi madali suyuin ang asawa ko. Ang alam niya ay hiwalay na kami, but the truth is. I use my wealth and power para lang hindi kami maghihuwalay. No one can own my woman except for me.

It may not be as easy as slicing a cake but i know it will be worth it. She and our son is worth to wait.

"Love, i know i become the worst husband and a fucking jerk to you and Harold before. I was cruel, yeah. But i already learned my lesson very well that i am, now carefull of my every actions. What i did years ago was unforgivable. Namatay ang anak natin dahil sa akin, i don't blame you for leaving me. Dahil sa totoo lang, deserve mo lumigaya. You deserve to be loved, to have a peace of mind, to live a happy life. And i'm sorry kung pinagkait ko lahat ng 'yon sayo. I won't force you to comeback to me. But i just can't let you go that easily. My love, i'm sorry and i love you. Live your life and be happy... with or without me."

Forever and always.. you are my one and only beloved.

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