A Life of Regrets

Chapter 7

I do not own Attack on Titan or any of the characters mentioned.

(Eren P.O.V.)
I was tired. I felt horrible all night and I couldn't sleep. Last night, I got home to go to bed but as soon as I laid down my mind drifted back to the mission. I hated the fact that I had to kill her. I have, though, accepted the fact that I couldn't get used to killing people and the sad thing about Petra was that she had her entire life ahead of her. There is not a day that goes by that I don't regret killing all of the people I did. But, it had to be done. The people who died were either supporters of the Corps or a part of the Corps. The Phoenix Agency is hailed by many for killing the Corps agents because we fight for Mayor Ymir.

Ymir was the great founder of Maria and everyone loved her for the work that she did for the people of the city. Well, everyone except the Corps. We have no idea why they hate her so much, my opinion was that they want to assassinate her and take the city for themselves. Armin agreed with me which is why we do our best to keep away from places where Ymir resides.

I walked to lunch by myself as I usually do. I was sluggish all day and could barely register what was going on around me. The room was spinning and that was not a good sign.

"Eren, are you alright?" My attention snapped to Armin who I was now standing in front of. In my haze I probably came in without any awareness. Whoops.

"Yeah, I'm good." I said then took my seat next to him.

"Are you sure? You don't look so well." He reached out to feel if I had a fever but I slapped his hand away. He starred at me, mainly in shock.

I sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, my head just hurts."

"Bullshit, Eren, you're sick."

I glared pointedly. "I said I'm-" All of a sudden I felt dizzy. My vision started to blur and I swayed a little before everything went black. The only thing I could register was a scream and my body falling into something hard.

*Dream*
I couldn't move. I stared at a pile of bodies in shock. Everyone I had ever killed was there, piled into a mass of gory carcasses. I put my hand to my mouth as if I were going to throw up.

Petra was at the top, her body in a fatal position. But, her eyes were open. It was like I was staring into the pits of Hell. I was scared of what was going to happen.

"You're a monster." Her voice rang out into the black emptiness that surrounded us.

"A monster?" I repeated absentmindedly. I was...a monster? Yeah, I was.

"You are a horrible person, Eren." My head shot up to ask her how she knew my name but when I looked up she was standing in front of me with nothing but blood covering her naked body.

"You deserve to die." Petra said then pushed my chest. Everything looked like it was in slow motion as I fell backwards. The thing was that I didn't hit ground. I was falling as if I had been pushed of a cliff.

My body twisted and turned as I fell into nothingness. I just wanted this to end. Why couldn't I function correctly? It was as if someone had pulled the plug on me. I didn't want that. I didn't want this. I had to do something. And I did the only thing I could do. I screamed for help.
*Dream End*

"Eren, wake up." An almost inaudible voice said.

"Come on, Jaeger." This voice was more clear.

I was still fighting in my head. I wanted to wake up but my eyes wouldn't allow it. I tried so hard and finally my eyes shot open.

"AHH!" I screamed and held my head in my hands. It was a dream. A horrible dream.

I took deep breaths to calm my heart rate. My chest was tight and it took effort to get the air I needed. It was like someone pushed hard on my chest. Oh wait, I guess they did.

Armin rubbed at my shoulder and Jean stood awkwardly on the other side of my room. My room? I guess they took me home.

"Are you alright now?" Armin asked as I shrugged off his hand.

"Yeah, just a nightmare." I said then ran a hand through my brown hair.

He smiled in relief. "That's good you had us worried for a bit."

"A bit? How long was I out?"

"Two hours."

"TWO HOURS? I have a mission tonight I have to get ready!" I said then tried to get up, only to have Armin push my shoulders back onto the bed.

"Oh no you don't, I'll have Jean and a few other agents do your mission tonight, you need to rest."

"But-"

"No buts, your resting and that is final."

I nodded then laid back down. It really wasn't fair but I knew it myself that if I went out there tonight I would get myself into some trouble or worse, dead.

Armin and Jean stayed for a little while longer before leaving me to my own devices. After I heard the front door shut I sighed in relief and went to the bathroom to take a warm shower. I stared at my reflection in the mirror and realized why Armin was so worried about me. I had dark circles under my eyes and I was as pale as a sheet. That wasn't the only thing. It appeared that I had lost some weight. Since I have been taking late night missions I haven't had the chance to eat much food the past few days. I should really start taking care of myself.

I slipped under the lukewarm water and leaned against the wall of the shower. I was too physically and emotionally drained to do anything at the moment. I just wanted to sleep and after my shower I would do so and sleep the rest of the night. Hopefully anyways.