A Life of Regrets

Chapter 9

I do not own Attack on Titan or any of the characters mentioned.

(Eren P.O.V.)
After the previous event at school I stayed home the next few days to get some rest. My missions were given to Jean, Connie, and Sasha. Armin had finally recruited the two, which I was happy about. What made me a little sad though was the fact that after every mission they would come and see how I was doing. You could tell that they were tired but they came to see me anyways. They were good friends. Well, Jean wasn't really considered a friend, he complained the every time they came over.

Normally when I was alone though I would just stare out my window at the city in the distance. In the morning when the sun was just starting to rise, the city would have a cool colored cast over it. And in the evening, the city would be covered in a golden sheen. It was quite beautiful. But my favorite, my absolute favorite part of the day was night. I don't know what it was but something about the shadowy blanket of night made me feel at peace. Night was a mystery, a curiosity yet to be fed. But none of the things that night hides would ever be discovered because it was that much of a mystery.

I could remember a time when I was afraid of the night. I wouldn't go out. I always had a lamp or nightlight to make sure I was safe from the nonexistent monsters that lurked in the darkness. Of course all of that ended when my parents died. I locked myself away in my room where I would sit in the corner with all of the lights off, hoping and awaiting the monsters to come a take me away. But it never happened, I was still alive.

Never had I ever been afraid of the night again. When I finally got over my dark time, no pun intended, I found out about the Phoenix Agency and my sister being a spy. It made me realize what I wanted to do. I wanted to get revenge on the man who killed my parents. Erwin Smith. But now, I wanted to kill not only him but Levi, Aruro, and all the other members of the Corps. Sadly, at the time, I was one year too young and I was unable to join.

So half a year past and Mikasa was involved in the accident. And only one month before my seventeenth birthday. I spent the rest of my half year training and getting ready for my test at the Phoenix Agency to become a spy. Armin had walked in on me training one day and asked what was going on. After explaining to him the situation he decided he wanted to join as well. We put in a strong effort the day of the test and passed. I became Agent 212: Master of weaponry, hand to hand combat, and a minor in hacking. Armin became Agent 607: Master of computerized statistics, intellect and inventory, and a minor in weaponry. We were the complete opposite but we worked well together when it came to us having a mission together.

Thinking back on our first mission made me chuckle. We had gone after two members of the Corps who were planning to infiltrate Mayor Ymir's house to try and kill her. We didn't allow it at all. The two- Isabel and Farlan?- barely made it before we shot them down without a word. They were my first kill and afterwards I felt horrible. The girl was about seventeen at least and the man was twenty one. They were so young. After that mission I remember throwing up behind a dumpster and crying my eyes out.

Now I don't shed a tear. I am a monster. A monster who regrets killing people because of orders from the head of the Phoenix Agency, Krista Reiss. She was a small blonde with blue eyes. She is a personal friend of Mayor Ymir and we respect her greatly. She knew that I had a tendency to feel bad for killing people but she always has a way of cheering me up.

"At least they don't have to be a part of this messed up world." Is what she said when I reported to her the weekly results of the missions. It made me feel a little better but there was still a thought in the back of my mind telling me that it was still wrong to kill people but I pushed the thought aside.

I continued on with all of my missions in which I had to kill often. And every time I would kill someone I would go to the city square at night and cry. Every time. I would cry out in pain. Not physically but emotionally. My mind was not and still is not used to the fact that I have to kill people. Sometimes I wish I could kill myself because some of the agents are so young and they have a life ahead of them. But I knew better than to take the easy way out. Sure, there might have been a time when blades were dragged across my wrists, but no more.

I was stronger than I was back the and I knew that I would come out of this war alive. Scathed but alive.

There will be a time when the Corps will have to come to an end. They can't fight us forever. They would have to get tired of chasing us eventually. But the Phoenix Agency knew that they wouldn't give up any time soon, so until a time when they let their guard down, we have to keep fighting. Some of us may be killed in the process but that is what we are here for. To fight to the death in order to save Maria City from the Corps's overtaking.