Falling (a Heartstopper fanfiction)

Weak

The next morning, the anger had faded and Charlie mostly felt sad. There must be something terribly wrong with him if Ben hadn't wanted him after all. He stood by the sink, trying to eat breakfast, but the cereal just swirled around the bowl, and Charlie's stomach swirled with it. He couldn't bring himself to take a spoonful.

He was still staring into the bowl when he heard someone say, "Morning", and nearly jumped a foot in the air.

"Jesus, Tori," he said to his sister, who had come into the room silently, as usual.

"Why's your face like that?" she asked him.

"I broke up with my boyfriend."

"Was he a knob?"

"Yes." Charlie had to admit that he was.

"Well done, then." She took a sip of her apple juice. "You'll want to finish that, or we'll be late."

"Oh. I was done with it anyway." Turning, he poured the whole mess down the sink. "We can go."

They found seats together on the bus, and Charlie turned to stare out the window, wishing he had something to look forward to again.

"Hypothetically," Tori asked, "what sort of boy do you want to go out with?"

"One who doesn't mind people seeing us talk to each other would be nice."

"Someone who's also a nerd, or do you want, like, an 'opposites attract' thing?"

Charlie smiled. "I don't think I can afford to be that specific, to be honest."

"Hypothetically, though. Dream guy."

"I don't know."

"Come on."

"I don't know, just ... Just someone I can have a laugh with. And ... and who's nice. And kind. And likes being with me." The bus was pulling to a stop as he spoke. Charlie used his sleeve to wipe off the window, clearing the view outside, seeing exactly who he had expected to see. "I'd probably just settle for someone tall," he finished, more to himself than to Tori, as he studied the red head and broad shoulders of Nick Nelson.

Late that morning, as Charlie was searching madly for a piece of lost homework in his locker, Nick approached him in the corridor. "Hey."

Startled, Charlie dropped his books, which cascaded all over the floor. Nick bent to help him pick them up, handing them back as they both stood up again.

"Thanks."

Noticing the drumsticks in Charlie's hand, Nick said, "You play the drums?"

"Yeah."

"That's so cool."

Charlie had never thought of it that way particularly, but he supposed it was. "Thanks."

"So, um, I had something that I wanted to ask you."

Was this it? Was this the moment Nick Nelson confessed to being gay, to having as big a crush on Charlie as Charlie was coming to have on him, to wanting to go out and fall in love and be together forever?

Nick's voice broke into his fantasy. "Do you want to join the rugby team?"

"What?" Of all the things Charlie had thought Nick might say, that was the last.

"We have enough players for the team, but we're not allowed to actually play against other teams without a reserve. And I saw you run in PE and you're, like, really fast. So ... I thought you might be interested."

"I don't really know how to play."

"That's fine. I can teach you."

On the one hand, rugby. Sports guys and their jokes, getting knocked over all the time. On the other hand, one-on-one instruction from Nick Nelson in a full-contact sport.

Charlie looked down at himself. He hardly looked like someone who played rugby. "Aren't I a bit small and weak to be a rugby player?"

"We're just a school team, you know. It's not that serious."

He couldn't resist. He put on his most serious face and said, "So you're saying I am small and weak?"

And Nick bought it beautifully. "Wait, no. No!"

Charlie laughed. After a moment, Nick realised the joke and smiled that lopsided smile of his that Charlie found so adorable. "So. Do you want to join?"

"I ... suppose I could give it a try. I'll be on reserve, right?"

"Right. You probably won't play much. I hope that's okay."

Charlie nodded. Definitely okay. "I think it's fine."

"Great! I'll see you at practise, then."

Only as Nick walked away did it occur to Charlie that he meant that afternoon. Rugby practise. Charlie Spring.

Okay, then.

He told Isaac and Tao later that afternoon on the way to the locker room. Isaac only smiled, but Tao looked down at him in shock. "You must be joking."

"No. They need a reserve. I probably won't play at all."

"Why are you doing this? It's just another silly crush."

"It's not a crush," Charlie protested. "I don't just fall for any guy who's nice to me." Okay, it was a crush, and maybe he did fall for any guy who was nice to him ... and both of his friends stopped to look at him like they knew that. Which he was sure they did.

"And you're sure you want to spend a whole hour with giant, moronic rugby lads?"

"Yes." Nick wasn't like that. Maybe when you got to know them, the others weren't, either.

Tao sighed and exchanged resigned glances with Isaac. "It's your funeral."

He'd been sure, outside, but as he stood before the door of the locker room, Charlie was questioning his life choices. He could hear them talking about him through the door. "Charlie Spring, though?" "Isn't he in, like, year 8." "No, he's in year 10." "He's like, well, skinny, though." "Can he even play? I'm sure he's a nice guy, but we actually want to be dece." "Does he even like sports? Everyone knows he's gay."

Well, this was starting out pretty much exactly the way he'd expected. Sighing, Charlie pushed the door open, hearing the familiar sound of silence settling on a room as he came into it. All of them turned to stare at him. Across the room, Nick stood up. "Hi."

"Hi."

And so began the epic career of Charlie Spring, rugby player, Charlie thought, wishing he could convince himself, if not the rest of them.