Falling (a Heartstopper fanfiction)

Caught

Charlie had been finding the rugby more enjoyable than he'd expected to. Because of Nick, yes, but it was also nice to be outside, to be getting some exercise, to be building a new skill. He'd never been a sports person—probably still wasn't—but he liked being able to hold his own at practise.

After practise one afternoon, getting dressed in the locker room, he found the last thing he'd expected: a text from Ben, asking to meet up in the music block. Charlie froze. He didn't want to see Ben again. "why?" he texted.

"please charlie I just want to talk"

He supposed he owed Ben that much. Breaking up with someone over text wasn't a particularly nice thing to do. Sighing, Charlie agreed.

"Charlie?" Looking up, he met Nick's brown eyes. "You okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Because I've been talking to you for the last five minutes and you haven't replied."

"Oh. Sorry."

"It's okay."

Charlie nodded, grabbing his coat. He really just wanted to get this over with. He hurried out of the locker room and across the quad to the academic building, making his way down the darkened corridor until he heard Ben's voice calling his name.

He put his bags down and walked into the room.

Ben looked him over. "You're wearing a coat? It's not even cold."

Why did Ben care what Charlie did? "It's February."

"Lame."

"What do you want, Ben?"

Ben pushed himself off the wall and came toward him, lifting a hand to caress Charlie's face. He used to like that. Now it just felt like the lie it was. He slapped Ben's hand away.

"Don't touch me."

"God, what's your problem? I'm trying to be nice."

"I said I don't want to meet up with you anymore."

"Yeah, and I don't believe you."

"What?"

"You're clearly just scared of getting caught."

It was a stupid thing to say—Charlie couldn't have cared less about getting caught. "Why would I be scared of getting caught? Everyone in school already knows I'm gay. You're the one who's scared of getting caught. You can't even look at me when other people are around."

Ben was staring at him, startled, not having expected Charlie to fight back, it seemed, or not having realised that Charlie had nothing to lose.

"Not to mention the fact that you have a girlfriend," Charlie added. "Yeah. I've seen you with her at the school gate. Thanks for telling me. Oh, wait. You didn't."

"Don't be angry at me for not wanting to come out yet."

"I'm not angry about that. If you're figuring stuff out, fine. Take your time. I would have been there for you. Don't you think I, of all people, would understand you figuring out your sexuality?"

"Then why are you angry at me?"

"I'm angry because you never even slighly cared about my feelings." It felt good to be angry for once, to be standing up for himself for a change. "We only ever meet up when you want to. Where you want to. When you feel like kissing a boy. You don't care about me at all."

"Well, it's not like anyone else is going to want to go out with you, is it?"

And just like that, it no longer felt good. Because Ben wasn't wrong, and the only person Charlie could be angry with about that was himself.

Ben put his hands on Charlie's shoulders and shoved him against the wall, kissing him forcefully. Charlie couldn't believe he had ever liked this boy, or ever believed that Ben liked him. None of this was about him. It was about Ben, and what Ben wanted, for whatever reason he wanted it.

"Don't," he pleaded.

"Charlie. I know you like me."

"Stop it!" He pushed at Ben's shoulders, but couldn't get free.

"Charlie, I like you, but I'm figuring stuff out. Literally what more do you want from me?"

He kissed Charlie again. Near tears, Charlie couldn't fight any longer. He stood there and took it, and hated himself for it.

And then Ben was gone, forcefully dragged away from Charlie and shoved into the corridor—by Nick Nelson.

Nick put himself between Ben and Charlie. "He told you to stop."

Ben stood there, glaring at him, but while he could push Charlie around, he wasn't going to be able to mess with Nick that way.

"Go on," Nick told him. "Piss off."

Ben went. Nick turned to Charlie, who rubbed his eyes so it hopefully wouldn't be so obvious he'd been crying.

"You okay?" Nick asked.

Charlie was not okay. He was terribly embarrassed that Nick, of all people, should have witnessed that ugly scene, and grateful for his help, and ashamed that he'd needed it. "Did you hear all of that?"

"Most of it. I just ... You seemed kind of like something was up while we were getting changed, so I ... I wanted to check everything was okay."

"I'm sorry." Much as Charlie appreciated that Nick had been there, that he had cared enough to check, he also hated that Nick had seen him like this.

"You have nothing to be sorry about."

"Sorry."

Nick hesitated for a moment. "You say sorry a lot," he said at last, smiling a little. As if he could see the "sorry" hovering on Charlie's tongue, he added, "Don't say it."

"I kind of want to say it."

"Don't." Nick chuckled. Then he reached out and clapped Charlie on the shoulder. His hand was warm even through the layers of coat, blazer, sweater, and shirt. "We should get out. We'll get locked in if we stay here much longer."

Looking down at his shoulder, Charlie felt incredibly relieved. Nick didn't seem to think he was disgusting; he wasn't looking at Charlie differently now that he knew about Ben. That was rare, in Charlie's experience.

Charlie followed Nick down the corridor and out through the gate. At the street, they stopped and looked at each other. "I'm going this way, so ..."

"Yeah, I'm that way."

"Okay. Bye." Charlie smiled and waved. He wanted to say more, like "thank you" and "I'm glad you were there," but it felt strange. They really didn't know each other that well.

"Bye." Nick turned around and walked away, and Charlie started walking in the opposite direction, but then he looked back. He supposed it shouldn't surprise him that Nick Nelson was protective of his friends ... but it did surprise him a little bit that Nick counted Charlie as one of those. And that Nick had been so quick to take Charlie's side over Ben's, even though he and Ben were already friends.

Just one more thing to like about him, as if Charlie had needed an excuse for his crush to get any stronger.