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Alexis & Drake

Numb.

That was how Alexis would describe herself. Invisible—there was another word. How could she be the centre of attention and yet feel so unseen, unheard, unfelt? How could Drake not know? Or was he so overwhelmed with his own emotions it was hard to feel hers? Then again, if she felt numb, could he feel anything?

She could definitely feel what he was feeling: excitement, disbelief, fear. But it was like an echo, bouncing off a shield that enveloped her body. Fear—she certainly knew what that felt like. Though his felt like a different kind of fear.

His hand was tight around hers as she sat on the edge of the bench, staring down into her lap. She was pregnant. There was a baby growing inside her. She was going to be a mother. Instead of exhilaration there was a hollow feeling deep down in her stomach.

Drake had barely spoken with her except to kiss her and give her a hug, turning his attention to his fellow medics and Zibons. They were all so excited and dismayed about something that had nothing to do with them. About something that was so personal. It kind of felt like her uterus was on display, like her legs were wide open for all to see. It was unsettling.

'I need to go to the bathroom,' she told Drake.

Before he could answer, she slipped off the bench and headed towards the door. Alexis kept her face lowered, her shoulders hunched, feeling their yellow eyes darting all over her. Alien eyes. Suddenly, she felt different again. Like a specimen. Like something to study. Like an experiment. She could feel Drake's eyes on her too. The numb feeling was wearing off. Would he follow her? He would definitely ask questions.

Thinking better of the hospital bathroom, she turned and went out through the door instead. Partway down the corridor, her eyes blurred up and the tears were running down her cheeks.

Alexis glanced over her shoulder. Drake was following—she could sense it. Obviously he could feel her crying. I just want to be alone, she tried to send through the bond. It was useless; the bond shared feelings not thoughts.

She hurried away—somewhere, falling into a jog. She needed to get away from him. She needed to get away from the situation, which was impossible, considering she was carrying it along with her. What Alexis wouldn't do to be able to try out one of Brenda's terrible pads!

She turned corner after corner, whisking by curious Zibons, making sure to shield her "mark" behind her braids. Already whispers would be permeating the ship. Whispers of the woman with the white hair who was impossibly pregnant. A rush of anger flashed through their bond. Drake had said they couldn't get pregnant! If she'd known, she would have taken precautions!

Men! It was always entrapment.

No. That wasn't right. Drake wasn't like other men. He could never lie to her. He truly hadn't known. She grabbed at her chest at the burn in her heart. She stopped suddenly and turned towards the wall. She slammed the side of her fist against the metal over and over again. Why did it have to happen to her? Why not to one of the others who actually wanted a child?

She suddenly had an image of her sister, Hope, and her three children: the desperation, the loneliness, the difficulty. Then she saw herself in Hope's place, a baby at her breast. Bracing her forehead against the wall, she wrapped her arms around her chest.

Footsteps thudded. Alexis didn't turn. She didn't acknowledge him, even as he laid his hand against her back. He stood there a long time without speaking.

'I'm sorry. I didn't know,' he said. 'But you don't need to be frightened. I'll be here with you, of course. How can I not be?'

His hand seemed to burn against her. His presence filled her with warmth but it did not ease the tightness in her throat or stomach.