Silakbo -LNRS One Shots.

Paradise

Warning:depression,suicide,dying,angst. DON'T READ IF UNCOMFORTABLE PLEASE!.

It was devastating to see her walk away from me for the second time. It's not the first time but it felt like a thousand of knives are stabbing me all over my body. The sight of her leaving me again is like digging my own grave, every steps is making her shadow away and away from me until i can't see her anymore.

I can't do anything but to feel the sadness enveloped my soul and let my body crashed into the ground and cry in agony. It felt like when she left, she stole my whole existence and left me with nothing but the pain.

The saddest part is that, everything flashed inside my mind.

Our happy days, when i first kissed her, when i told her i love her and when she confessed that she loves me too.

The day when she first left me because our parents didn't permit us to be together.

The rainy day when she came back to me, soaked with rain waters and tears.

The day when i let her into my life again.

The day when i made her a paper ring and said my vows while we're both chuckling.

All those memories are golden. But how come that happiness can't last forever?

But still, we had it, and i don't regret falling for her and wishing us to be together forever.  But maybe forever does exist just for the lucky ones.

Too bad I'm not one of those. We're not one of those.

-

It started to rain very hard. I'm sitting on the grass with the street light above me and the bench beside me. The same place where she left me. If it's not raining, the starless night sky will see how my eyes poured tears.

I started to walk in the peaceful road, surrounded with trees. It's just me and the rain, both crying. I'm not sure but i think it's the sky letting me know that I'm not alone. But it saddened me more. Knowing that I'm broken and the sky is pitying me.

The rain stopped and so did i. I felt my vision blurry and the trees around me spinning as i held my head with both hands. I groaned out of frustration and anger. I fell on the ground, and there's one shadow running towards me then i lost my consciousness.

-

I opened my eyes a bit and the bright light of the room blinds me. I blinked thrice before completely opening my eyes.

I'm at one of the hospital rooms, i should know. I'm a doctor after all.

I can't remember how I got here but i remember the shadow running towards me. It's actually creepy but whatever, i have to get out of here.

Not longer, the nurse entered my room. She said i have to stay, but i insisted to just go home.

-

I'm here inside my kitchen, drinking beer and crying relentlessly. Still confused of how the heck i got to the hospital, alive. The nurse said a woman brought me there, but they don't know who she is.

I snapped out of my thoughts when i noticed that I'm now wearing a ring. It's, it's familiar, oh no.

The ring i gave to the love of my life, the reason why i'm in this state.

Is she, oh.

That place where i almost die is our secret place.

So she went there too? Why? Does she miss me too like i do?

It's so rambled, so ineffable frustrating.

-

I went there again with hope that she might visit the place again. But i'm wrong, she's not there. But there's a letter covered with plastic on the bench.

I opened it immediately and started reading.

God knows how painful it is. As i read it my tears that i thought dried up from crying everyday flowed again.

I hugged myself and let me cry on my own arms. My chest hurts, i want to die.

My gaze landed on the tree with our names carved on it. I cried harder like i'm not already crying hard.

I saw the knife that we used to carve. I run towards it and held it tight.

I was about to hurt my self but i throw the knife to the pond when i remembered that i still have my mom.
And my mom will be hurt when her daughter dies.

I lost it, i already lost the fight. I decided to go home and rest for the first time since she left .

-

I want to sleep but the letter is hunting me.

She's gonna marry someone else. Someone that's not me. I cried on my pillow and then it rained again, it's so timing.

My heart can't be shattered because it's already is. If you'll put that broken pieces of my heart in a blender the result will describe how broken my heart is.

I slept catching my breath not because of pleasure but because of sadness.

My lover, my love. Yung mahal ko iniwan na ako. Bakit ganito? Mabait akong tao, bakit ako pa? Gusto ko s'ya lang eh, i don't ask for more. I only need her but i can't have her. Maybe not this time.

Readers POV

The day her love married someone else, is the same day she died. Maybe because she can't handle the pain already. I can't even imagine me being in that situation. But it's so sad that i want to cry. Because her love is always present.

She's the one who saved her precious life when she almost lost it. And when she attempted to hurt herself in front of the tree that has their name on it. Her love is also there. Her love almost run to her but when she saw that she can't hurt herself using the knife, she sighed and also cried.

Her love is also hurting and also wanted to die.

She don't want to be married to someone else.

But they will kill their daughter if she doesn't go with the plan.

Yes they planned to have a daughter, and with so many process they already made it. But it's to late.

Her daughter can't see her mama anymore, because she's gone. She's up there resting and in peace.

Her love wanted to die but can't because of the baby. Her love wanted to follow her up there but she can't.

Her love spent her days crying and ended up losing their baby.

Her love became depressed and tortured herself because she thinks that's it's her fault that her two girls, her loves went up there.

But too bad.

Unfortunately, she can't save herself anymore too.

She lost it. And she went to the paradise too.

Where no one can hurt her, and maybe where her family is. Maybe she's happy up there.

I think she is.

_

My tears flowed as i read my reflection in front of the class.

That story is marked on the book.

My mother wrote it. My sister is one of the characters, she's the one who went up there first.

In the paradise.