Canaisis by -NikaRave-
Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to read your book. Please, keep in mind that my reading of your story is by necessity a subjective opinion. Your story is beautiful and important to you more than any other story you could have been telling. How I perceived it is very much a matter of my preferences
I read 18 chapters of your story available at this time.
Your book is tagged as sci-fi and hard sci-fi, so I looked first and foremost at how much the story stimulated my imagination and how important your main character had become to me; how much I wanted to figure out what's going to happen to them, the setting that told me that 'it could possibly happen this way', and if I would be able to remember your story a few months from now. Hard sci-fi is a niche genre. I think you can tag with the popular 'AI romance' trope as well.
The title of your story, Canaisis, doesn't tell me much, but in combination with subtitle, it brings the book to the subgenre of a single ship's voyage, be it a tall ship, a flying ship or a space ship. I think it's great that you put the main attraction, the 'living' on the cover. Chronicle indicates series, so, again, good move!
I liked, but didn't love your blurb. I would suggest eliminating the repetition of the first paragraph in the 4th, eliminate the passive construction that starts it and the wordiness from the opening line. So, just: Any Captains loves their ship—but what if the ship could return that love? And, instead of 3rd and 4th paragraphs, perhaps present the major conflict and the stakes of the actual story. Something like, 'As Canaisis is hired to carry the religious order to their new colony, the despotic government's agent meddles, so unless Cap and Canasis do this... DOOM!'
When you were asking for a review, you told me that the book is more of a background, but chapters 1-5 introduce a story with a good seed of a conflict. It has all opportunities to grow throughout the book. I felt that chapters 1-5 stayed to a single storyline, with a steady, if slow pace. There was build up, even a short-term timer introduced at the end of chapter 5 and a long-term timer at the start. That's said, for me, personally, pruning the dialogues to stay to plot progression would have made for a smoother sailing (pardon the pun). I would like to attract your attention specifically to chapter 4 that nearly stops the story dead in its tracks for the discussions seemingly there to re-drive home the point that Canaisis is a very special living ship. That point is made more succinctly in Chapter 5 imo. Perhaps, adding an emotional highlight to show the importance of the Nilex mission to Gareth specifically might help to bring things together a little more.
I felt really engaged during chapters 6 and 7, trying to see any potential ruse with those pods. I also loved the description of the dark side of the Moon as a launch site. However, chapter 8 was a slowdown again and I was tempted to skim. The intrigue returned in chapter 9 and every appearance by the First Citizen added to the sense of unease. I liked the idea of having an additional character to increase the cast— and rarely do I say that!— and populating the bridge with three people, however their participation was minimal in chapter 10, as Gareth just kept chatting with Canaisis ignoring the humans. The launch clearly marks the end of Act 1 for me, sending the protagonist into the exciting world of Act 2.
My expectations for Act 2 is to see change in Gareth. I am not sure, though, what he is looking for—I only presume that the answer is 'to love again'. The dialogues with Canaisis become livelier as the story progresses and they are in flight. I had a feeling Canaisis relaxes when it happens. Or maybe she just likes speed. It conveys well the feeling of their long cooperation/camaraderie. At that point, romance hinted at in the beginning doesn't yet enter the picture. Normally, in a romantic novel, I would expect it by that point. And, also, if Gareth's arc is healing from loss and loving again, I would love to see that. So far, the only big theme I saw was 'we sail as we will', which I interpreted as Gareth's want, his preservation of the status quo. He seems happy with the way things are. Then what is his true need? If his character arc is static and he doesn't change in the course of the story, it might work for a character like him, as he is a pleasant guy. But... is he the protagonist then?
The plot was budding in Chapter 11 as well—to drop off in Chapter 12. I didn't feel it was picking up, sliding toward a slice of life story set in space. It was really good in creating the atmosphere and the slight tension of suspicion was there, yet I felt it could have been more intense.
The biggest surprise in chapter 14 was that it seemed to have changed PoV to Ayla, but making her a very unreliable witness—so instead of confirming whatever suspicions Gareth had, she just left them at question mark.
I stopped reading the story at chapter 18. The reason is that the story is 36 chapters, so I was reaching the midpoint—where I expect a huge event of some sort, either a victory or a defeat for the main character, to which the first part builds up. And I wasn't feeling that I was on the cusp of something monumental. The writing was smooth, the background was really carefully done. I thought I could see Start Trek peeking through, which is always a huge plus to me.
I also loved the core idea of the story with the protagonist existing out of time with his ship's AI for company.
You are delivering a quality story that I can see people getting immersed in. So my advice is only valid if you do have a major event coming mid-way. If it simply is not there, you can't really go jamming it in. Otherwise, I would suggest looking for economies in chapters 1-18, to bring that event forward and make the crumbs leading up to it more obvious.
Good luck with developing your story and hope these notes are helpful!
