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i. TITLE & COVER
I like this cover, and I really like the title. I think they're both eye-catching and representative of what's to come. However, the cover is very simple. While I think that can be great sometimes, I'm not sure it works for the genre here. That is, the cover gives me more of a thriller-murder-mystery vibe than a young adult book. But then again, that makes it unique, and the chess pieces tell us it's going to be a bit of a mind game. Do with that information what you will.
ii. BLURB
Things to keep out of the first line of your blurb: names and places. You have both. Sometimes, starting without a name or place can be difficult, but for you it's not, because you have the perfect beginning a sentence later, starting with 'all she wanted'. Just start there. We don't need to know her name until the middle or end, and we really don't need to know the school name at all. Do we need to know the last names of all those characters? Well, no, but I kind of like it in this blurb for some reason. Otherwise? The blurb is awesome, short and tells us what we need to know. Moving on.
1 3 / 1 5
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i. COMMAS
You're one of those people that has the comma situation almost controlled, but not quite perfect. There were quite a few situations where you lacked a comma for an introductory phrase (some of these don't require commas, others do).
'Back then when he returned from his many journeys, he never dared to discuss his business partners.'
Spellchecks aren't going to catch this, but that's not a problem, because now you can. 'Back then' is referring to a separate thought, setting the timeline in a clause that is different from the action and what's happening. Therefore, you need a comma after that introductory phrase. Think about if you were to give a professional speech in which you read out this book. Would you take a little pause or breath? If so, then comma! Some comma rules are much more straightforward, and this one isn't. It's more of a matter of experience and repetition. Nobody gets these on their first try.
