Title: Drugs, Treasons, and Other Demons
Author: HappyCoati
Chapters Reviewed: 1-3
Cover: Personally, I'm not the biggest fan of your cover, but I believe it's fitting enough for the story. Maybe you could play around with the font some more? It just feels like text slapped onto an image of two people rather than a cover and it doesn't blend well together. As for improvements, I wonder if it would look more appealing if you focused more on a cover with the setting and having two silhouettes similar to those you have in the current photo or something that ties more into the "Drugs and Treasons" part of your story. Again, this is just a personal preference and I'm basing on what would make me intrigued by the cover.
Title: I really like your title a lot. While it gives us information about what the story will be about, it leaves a little bit of mystery surrounding what the "Other Demons" might possibly be. It's also very fitting for a crime novel!
Blurb: I'm usually not impressed by smaller blurbs, although I know they're more recommended when it comes to traditional publishing, but yours works really well. It gets straight to the point and provides enough information about the story to make me wonder what poor Sarah has gotten herself into.
First Impression: From everything I've glanced at so far, I feel like this story will go down a dark road, paved with horrors and other demons nobody ought to witness. I'm really interested to see how the role of the drug lord plays into this and if there will be a lot of realism surrounding how drug and human trafficking, as they are huge, frightening issues that happen in the world.
Chapter 1:
You've really set the scene nicely here with this group of friends. You've portrayed them so realistically on their trip, and I sense quite a bit of drama between the group. Sarah comes across as more of an outcast amongst the mean girls, but I can tell she's trying to use this trip as a chance to get away for a while. However, it doesn't seem like it'll be the escapism she hoped for.
Both June and Kait really don't seem to like her and pick on her with the fat jokes and snide remarks about getting laid when she'd just had a breakup. It was heartbreaking to see them ostracize her, but it seems like they have that "I'm better than you" attitude because there was even an instance where they ridicule Anna for smoking. It makes me wonder what Ana saw in these girls to want to befriend them.
You've got a great deal of suspense going on with those sketchy guys at the pitstop. It was so creepy how they watched her, and I'm relieved she got away from there before any of them tried to do anything. But I'm worried that they might be back soon, and I'm sure it would be easy for them to track the car down if they notice their plates. Hopefully, Sarah can try to relax and enjoy the trip, but I really doubt she will. I've got a bad feeling about what's to come.
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed your first chapter, your character development, and how you've set the scene. Everything played out so movie-esque and it really has me excited to read further to see what happens to these young women! I'm already super suspicious of those guys Sarah encountered at the stop and wonder if they'll be back around soon to cause trouble.
Chapter 2: The drama only intensifies between the group of girls, but I love how Sarah sticks up for herself. While their insults are repetitive and used to bring her down, she fights back with her own retorts. You did a great job at getting the reader to let their guard down after the gas station incident, admiring the scenery as they drove, until the "police" flagged them down.
Honestly, I'm not sure if they're genuine cops or if they're just corrupt. Either way, it's certain that they're all in a heap of trouble. I admit, I kinda snickered at Sarah's original plan to drive off once the two girls in the backseat climbed out. If only Anna had listened to her and kept her door locked and the window only cracked. I'm really worried what's going to happen to them, but I'm also so intrigued to reach the next chapter!
