Title: Kindness Behind Bars
Author: Pinestripe37
Chapters Reviewed: 1-4
Cover: I like the image you've used for the cover of the chickens, as it connects to the story and I feel like the darker background gives it a more dreary tone. However, I cannot read your fonts. If not for the title already given, I would only be able to read kindness. My suggestion would be play around with fonts and try to stick to one and make sure it's easy for your readers to see. While I can see "Kindness" perfectly fine I don't believe that's the best fitting font or font color either. It clashes too much with the image and vibe of your story.
Title: I love the title! It really gives the readers an idea of what the story's going to be about.
Blurb: There's some odd spacing in your blurb and a few instances of missing commas. Otherwise, I think it's pretty solid! Just to clear it up a bit,
Abused, exploited, imprisoned, tortured...
All their lives, these two sisters have never been cared for by anyone except each other. Their strong bond gets them through each painful day, and in each other they find the love their hearts so long for. Leaning on each other as they endure the horrors of the modern farming system, the sweet hens wish desperately for mercy and soon dream of a better world. But how can such a small hen make such a huge change, or even just survive the deadly conditions?
Among the cruelty they face, can kindness rise after all?
First Impression:
I'll admit, I was quite surprised to have a chicken story in my queue, but I was not at all disappointed! I feel like this story will dig deeper into the harsh realities of the farming system, and I sense it won't be all sunshine and rainbows. I do wonder how this story will narrate them, given a personal first person tone. To write an animal's perspective is difficult without sounding too human or just unnatural, so I can't wait to see how it goes. I'm also so curious to learn more about these two sisters.
Chapter 1: My Voice
This is a bittersweet opening to your story and I really like how you're giving chickens their own voice. It's very fascinating to read this in first person as well. Pulling off a narrative in the inner thoughts of an animal can be tricky, so kudos for you for writing this! It already has me so intrigued about these two sisters' journey and how much I'll learn about their lives and traumas they might have faced.
Not much else to say, as this was a small chapter, but it felt fitting as an opening by not being too lengthy. I do wonder which chicken this is told by though, as your blurb brings up two sisters. It might be a good idea to name them unless you're going for a style where they don't have names, just so readers can differentiate the two.
Chapter 2: Wing
Are you in the middle of editing? This chapter just feels incomplete to me. While I'm perfectly fine with short chapters, this one just felt rather abrupt? A small paragraph of description of the chicken with her sister and that's it. Perhaps you could expound a little more on the scene? With it being in first person, you could also dive more into the chicken's emotions or bring their world to life with some descriptions, both sights and smells. I've always thought animals had a keener sense of smell, and things that might reek to us might smell different from them. Just something you could possibly play around with! I think you can still keep the shorter chapters, but this might be just a tad too short.
Chapter 3: Tuck Her In
This was such a sweet scene between the sisters! I also really like how you add in their chicken body language and the bond between the two. However, I do feel like you could combine it with the second chapter to read more smoothly.
Chapter 4: The Sun
This might be my favorite chapter so far! I love the hopelessness you portrayed for them never seeing the light of the sun. It's sad to consider such a life, trapped amid the darkness, but I really like Sister's response. How she thinks the sun would look like her eyes. Warm and beautiful and kind. I almost wonder why you don't begin the story with such an impactful scene like this? Especially with details of how dark it is there to show the conditions that they live in and give us more glimpses into their lives.
Characters:
While you've set your plot and overall story up nicely, it is a little hard to get a feel for the two chicken characters right away. I think that might just be because the chapters need a little more fluffing to them. I do really love the sister who narrates the story and how you've portrayed her hopelessness. It seems like they'll never see the sun, but I'm hoping by the end of the story they will get to venture outside and feel the warmth on their feathers xD In all seriousness, I do think you have them both written quite well but I'm a gluttonous kind of reader who always wants more, especially when it comes to characters.
Overall thoughts: I think this is such a lovely little story you've created with the chickens. I can only imagine the cruelties they might face in real life and can tell you know your stuff about chickens. The main criticism I have is the length of your chapters. While short ones can suffice, I feel like you have so much more potential if you expounded more on their world around them and how it is to live in such dark and despairing conditions. I'd love more dialogues between the sisters, and is anyone else around them? I'm assuming not, but it was hard to clearly visualize exactly where they are, which is why I suggest more descriptions and details.
Overall, you've got a nice narrative that just needs some fleshing out. You know where you're going with this story. Now, you just need to fill in the blanks. Give us more about the Sisters' world through sights and smells. Where are they? Do any other animals or people ever come along? Maybe you could even show more of their life and personalities through dialogues.
