I Really Do Love you

Chapter 7: Felix

It's been three weeks, and nothing, no words said between us. They still eat lunch in the restaurant so I've made it my business to quit eating in there because I couldn't take his staring, I couldn't take being in the same room with him. I can't tell him why I chose Ava, I chose her because I knew he didn't love me, I was his friend that rode with him in his truck to fool around. I let him fuck me, suck me, kiss me, touch me, he had me over for movies sometimes but I was his friend he fucked nothing more in his eyes. I knew that. I told him I loved him after our second time together and he told me he wasn't ready to say that, and the topic never came up again.

I felt horrible that day when he was walking away from the hot tub after saying that about me. There is so much to him than just someone that gives me relief, I feel safe with him, I always have and that day in his hotel room, I never felt safer. I want him, more than I could put into words but I don't know what to do. I know he doesn't want the same things, he wants me to not have a girlfriend but yet refused to tell me he loves me back then, that day on the porch was when it should have happened if he wanted me.

"Can you listen to me?!" Cam practically screams and I shake my head.

"Yeah, sorry." I look at her and both of her eyebrows are raised in question.

"You do realize the day you told him you chose her you didn't give him time to say two words right?" She asks and I furrow my brows. "You were just talking out loud." She explains and I sigh.

"I'm sorry." I close my eyes running my hands through my hair.

"You forget that day I was in the car with Ava, we were all going on that vacation, but I didn't stay with you." She says and I nod. She sits back the pink box of donuts forgotten on the coffee table beside her blue mug. 

"After we got there, I never saw you again." I nod and she smirks.

"That was because I was too busy riding dick." She speaks and I cough, I point my finger at her she nods her head. "I know what I said hang on. You walked up one the porch I saw him ask you something and you pointed at the car and walked away. There was no time for him to confess anything Felix." She shakes her head taking a sip of her cappuccino.

"I'm sorry this has been feeling like it's happening all over again." I shake my head and she scoffs putting her hands up.

"Listen to me one more time." She speaks putting her mug down. "There was no time to confess feelings." She says finishing her sentence with a clap as I start thinking back to that day.

I knock at the door and step back putting my hands behind my back. As usual he answers with a smile, his football jersey on, his hair wavy hanging over his eyes. I feel a bad low gut feeling, but I know I have to do this, my parents would never approve of him.

"Hey." He speaks.

"Hey. We need to talk." I say in a hushed tone and he furrows his brows closing the door behind him.

"Is something wrong? Are you ok?" He asks and I step back as he tries to reach out to me.

"Yes, I'm okay. Listen I think we need to stop. I can't keep doing this with you. We both know what this is and I think it's time we call it quits." I step back and his face falls and I see some emotion in his eyes I can't decipher.

"No, Felix can we talk?" he asks pointing back behind him and I do the same.

"I choose my girlfriend, Dom." I say and run back to my car driving away ignoring the fact that I just broke my heart.

"Oh my god, I never gave him time for anything did I?" I mutter putting a hand over my mouth and she shakes her head.

"No, you didn't." She agrees.

"What do I need to do?" I ask and she shrugs looking over the selection of treats in the box.

"I really don't know at this point Felix it's went on this long. You are going to need to actually talk to him and tell him why you didn't choose him after that you can only let the pieces fall where they may." She speaks reaching for a glazed donut.

"You really are getting tired of me talking about this, aren't you?" I ask and she shrugs looking from side to side like she's contemplating.

"I don't mind. I mean, you are an overthinker. But really there is nothing you can really do but that, and I know you hate that, and are probably going to obsess over what else to do when there is nothing." She explains and I nod.

"So you're saying I should make the first move." I try to follow her arching a brow in question, she nods pointing at me.

"Only when you're ready, I know you being gay is a big deal to you and you think it will be to your family." I nod. "So really just when you're ready, but after this and what happened two weeks ago, I wouldn't wait long." She says and I dart up.

"Okay then." I pick up my cup before I can second guess myself. I take my cup to the sink putting it there before buttoning my jacket. 

"Where are you going?" She turns as I go to the door.

"Going to talk to him before I lose my nerve." I dart out the door.