Six months to live (ZhanYi)

3

It's another Saturday and I'm just sitting here waiting to see Zhan ge. Six months is all that's left and it hurt me to my bones.

"Wang," Zhan whispered my name, walking over to the chair opposite me.

"Zhan ge."

"How are you?" he asks, stretching his hand to me as he sits down.

I'm good. You?

He gives me a look. "How do you think I am?"

"Right," I say, earning a stare from him that makes my heartbeat speed up.

I see a counselor three times a week. It wasn't easy; we have gone nowhere, just the basics but I guess it's a start. Zhan says while drawing a circle on my palm.

My stomach did flips. Really? You did? Thank you, Zhan. I smile genuinely.

"Haven't seen you smile like this in a while. ".He teases.

To be honest, I haven't smiled like that in 5 years. I mumbled.

"I know" Zhan ge squeezes my hand a little tighter and it felt good. I wanted to talk about the kiss so bad and how I feel about him but I'm scared. What if he does not have feelings for me? What if he thought it was just a stupid kiss base on impulse? What if he loves me too? I decided I will wait for him to bring it up and if he doesn't, then he does not have feelings for me.

"So, um, I should probably get to know you," I mumbled.

"Get to know me?" he asks, sounding surprised.

"Yeah, I want to know more."

"Why do you care?" Zhan ge asks, almost as if it's odd to him that I am interested in him.

"Because I want to know you better. I want to help you."

"What exactly makes you think I need help?" Zhan ge asks, sitting up in his chair and leaning forward a little.

I shift in my seat, licking my lips and swallowing. "May-maybe you don't. Either way, we still have to talk right?"

"No. We don't have to."

"Zhan ge.., " I plead, as Zhan ge slouches back in his chair, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Red, black, green, white, and gold are my favorite colors.."I raise my eyebrows.

"Oh, okay. I think my favorite is tied between black and white."

"Black?"

"Is there something wrong with black?" Zhan ge asks.

"No one ever says black."

Zhan ge shrugs. "Guess I'm special then."

I gave him a small smile and a shake of head. "Yeah, guess so."

"Favorite song?" I ask, thinking of my own in my head.

"Don't know, I've been out of the real world for five and a half years so I'm not quite caught up on what the new ones are."

"It doesn't have to be new." I pull his index finger.

"Uh, I love all Stefanie Sun albums."

"I like that one. Currently, mine are Big Bang, Kendrick Lamar, Chris Brown, Rihanna, A$AP, Kanye West, Beyonce, and Eason Chen. They're so fucking awesome."

"You're a fan?" Zhan ge asks, as if he's shocked by my answer.

"Oh yeah, for sure."

"Oh. I miss music. He mumbles.