Six months to live (ZhanYi)

22

Lately, Yibo has done nothing but sleep and go to the prison but last night was the opposite. He got no sleep at all due to his mind racing and racing.

Tomorrow was the day. The day Zhan was going to be gone forever. The day he had been dreading since the moment he found out Zhan was on death row.

He thought all he'd be feeling is sadness and hurt. He thought the weight that had been holding him down for so long would finally be too much to bear. That he physically and mentally wouldn't be able to do it.

That's not how it is, though. Instead it's the opposite. He just doesn't feel anything.

He's numb. Maybe it's a coping mechanism or a way for his mind and body to just avoid it all together but either way, Yibo doesn't like it.

Of course he's still sad, that hasn't gone away. He's cried and cried but it's almost as if his mind has just gone blank. Like it just stopped processing the situation and has decided to just let his body do what it needed to do.

After every time he had cried, Yibo just went into some sort of zombie mode where his mind was just shut off. Where everything he did was mechanical. He never did anything he didn't have to. Unless it was to get food, a drink, or go to the bathroom, he spent his time laying in bed.

That's all he wanted to do. The idea of living life just wasn't appealing in the slightest. He knew from the beginning that the time would come when he felt this way but he truly didn't expect it to be this bad.

He wonders, what will it be like five years from now? Will he get over Zhan? Will he be living his life happily and productively? Or will he never come back from this? It scares him that he doesn't know.

He used to be so sure that he could pull himself out of anything and now that he's not, he almost feels as if he's failed in some way. He's failed at becoming as strong as he wanted to be. He feels like he had been lying to himself the whole time.

As he grabbed a few things to head to the prison for the last time to see Zhan before the execution date, Yibo couldn't help but break into tears. It felt so wrong. So wrong that time was actually up.

Mr. Lee picked him up as he did yesterday, since Mr. Han is ill, so Yibo tried his best to gather himself before he got there. It didn't go as well as he would have liked it to considering the time Mr. Lee pulled in, Yibo's eyes were still red and puffy.

"Hi bud," Mr. Lee says as soon as he opens the car door.

Yibo doesn't respond, he just gets in and buckles, barely being able to breathe right let alone form a sentence.

"You don't have to talk, I know today isn't a good day for you but I wanted to let you know that I convinced the people in charge of counseling meetings that Zhan needed extra time today so you have three hours instead of one hour 30 minutes."

At this, Yibo begins to cry again. He was thankful for what Mr. Lee had done, he just hated the fact that three hours was all they had. It was the last time they'd have a normal day together. Or at least what normal was for them.

By the time they had made it to prison, Yibo had done the best he could to stop crying. He knew that as soon as he saw Zhan, he would start up again so he wasn't even trying to control that. He just wanted to at least get past security.

After setting their belongings down Mr. Lee said a quick goodbye before Yibo was out the door and on his way to Zhan. He wasn't quite sure how they had been allowed to keep meeting there but he wasn't going to ask questions.

Once Yibo was in eyesight of the visitors room, he could see that the door was cracked so when he got to it, he just lightly tapped his knuckles on the door.