Hydra's Widow

Chapter Nine

He made eye contact with me, forcing me to do the same. I tried to make up something to say to him, but I froze. Instead of us standing in complete silence, James started the conversation.

"So, uh, I'm sorry I had frightened you that day," he signed slowly, adding fingerspelling.

I stood in my own silence, James stared at me, softly waiting for an answer, I felt my shoulders weighing me down. I was mentally shouting at myself to say something, anything. I couldn't I was frozen in my own body. When I looked into those eyes all I could see was the time in the cell, with him. I knew I should forgive him; I knew it wasn't his fault, but I couldn't—not now.

"I'm sorry —I can't," I finally replied, after what felt like an hour. I turned around, as I was near walking away from him, but I then felt a vice grip on my forearm. I knew it would be easy to get out of his grip, until I glance back to see it was his synthetic hand around my forearm.

I tried to hook my leg around his, but he moved before I could try. I finally could feel the vibrations on the floor, footsteps, I pulled away hoping the other person was trying to talk down James. After a moment, I felt his hand release from my arm.

I moved quickly down the hall; my chest began to feel tight; my heart was increasing speed. My breathing became erratic as I was moving. I wanted to stop, I wanted to drop down right on the floor. I turned to look to see how far away I was from James, in reality, I had only gotten a foot away from him.

Of course, I didn't think that James did care about me anyway, while Stark was screaming at him.

Finally, reaching the end of the hall, my chest became tighter, my eyes were filling with water, my legs were jello, and once I knew I was safe, I let myself fall against the wall, guiding my body down to the floor. I hid my face in my knees as the tears fell swiftly down my cheeks. My hands were beginning to tingle, then they soon were going numb. My body shook with each sob that left me.

Every time I thought I was calming, the memories of Hydra and the Red Room played in my head. They were both horrible, enough to give anyone nightmares for years on end. They kept replaying in my head non-stop, I couldn't take this anymore, it needed to stop, I wanted to stop, I begged mentally for it to stop. But nothing led up...

All I could see was the guns that were aimed at the victims, the trigger that would send a bullet into the person's head was pressed each time. Other times it was torturing, a knife in hand, slashing a man's arms, his formal white suit was stained in thick red liquid. Men were common in the Red Room, while Hydra loved to mess with women.

I should have felt embarrassed crying in the hallway, but I had no care in the world, it was only me, in this moment. I decided to try to stand up on my trembling legs, but I soon fail as I felt to gentle hands pushing me back down. I tried to fight back, as I pushed them away, but they came back. I peeked to see it was only Stark. I took a short shallow breath.

He crouched down in front of me, he put one hand on his chest and hovering over the middle of my chest. He then started to breathe softer, controllable, and deeper. I tried to match his pattern, but it took effort.

My breathing slowed down after a while, I looked to my left to see James, standing there looking down at me. His eyes had some type of horror in them, his face didn't display it, but his eyes were all I needed to see.

I stood up quickly, I wanted to get to my room, I wanted to be alone. Stark was trying to stop me by getting in front of me multiple times. I stumbled a couple of times, but I finally made it to my door. I swung it open, going into my room a short-lived sigh escaped my lips as I went over to my bed. I didn't flop down on it, no, I sat and waited, I don't know what for, I just waited. I thought about the questions that would come up from Barton, but my mind wandered elsewhere. It replayed the encountered I had with James.

His blue eyes practically begging for forgiveness, his small smile, his shaking signing. No, that man should not have done that, he could be cute, but he did this, he made me have the mark I have today, he helped them, he helped them become stronger. How could I forgive someone like that?

I felt a presence in my room, before I could look over my shoulder, I saw Loki come into my eyesight.

'What?' I asked in my mind. 'What now...' I thought as my face started to heat up.

'Harsh much?' he asked, his sarcastic tone sneaking out in my head. 'The team had an emergency they needed to attend,' he continued.

I nodded, turning my attention to a wall on my right side.

'Perhaps I did not make myself clear,' he paused, sneaking towards me. 'My duty while they are attending their business, I stay here, clear?' he questioned me, his tone on the icy side.

I rolled my eyes, 'Stark told you...' I told him, when I connected the dots.

I turned on my television, gesturing for Loki to join beside me. He didn't protest as he sat down. I grabbed a throw-blanket from underneath me. I wrapped it around me as I decided it would be a good idea to lay down. I turned the channel until I could find something that seemed interesting. A channel soon popped up; it was a broadcast of a fight at the park.

A female was sitting next to a male, the camera zooms in to her. She spoke about an attack at Central Park. They showed a clip from the ongoing battle. It seemed intense, I felt guilt. Guilt consumed me, I felt hopeless again. I wanted to join the fight...The guilt was at its worst when the captions were going across the screen, telling me what they were all shouting at the battle. 

I started to pay attention to the outfits that the opposing fighters wore. Camo, military grade vests, helmets, no... that's not possible. Then, just then I caught a glimpse of one of the badges of one of the enemies. An iron-on patch was on the soldier, the background of the patch was black, but what caught me off guard was the red octopus that was the main focus. Hydra. My eyes widen suddenly. My heart rate increased. 

Did they know? How would they know? Rumlow. 

I needed to leave, I needed to go, quick. They can't find me; they can't find them. If they come here, they will try to harm anyone that gets in the way. 

I rushed to the door, but once my door was opened by me, Loki stood in front of me. Confused I looked to Loki still sitting in my bed, he turned to me with a smirk. I hate Gods. Loki shrugged as he patted the spot I one was sitting at. 

After I swore to myself, I would wait until the Avengers got home to sleep, I continued to watch different channels for our entertainment. After hours of no word from them, I started to have to fight my eyes from drooping, I had to fight the fatigue that my body was feeling. I couldn't fall asleep in front of Loki, what if he tried anything? He could put me back in the cell. He could harm me, he was more dangerous than me, James and the Avengers. 

I decided to rest my eyes for a moment...

Yeah, a moment...

Just until they come back...

Until I know I'm safe...

Just-