Hydra's Widow

Chapter Twelve

After what happened with Dr. Banner, I decided to stay in my room. I didn't come out for any socialization as I didn't want to face the Avengers. I had already gotten looks that told me they wanted answers to what had happened in the lab. 

Here I am sitting on my bed as I watched television, something about a baking competition. Which as I watched the show, it made me wonder how bad would my baking be? I've never cooked or baked in my lifetime, so how bad would I be? It seems easy enough. 

A vibration of my phone got my attention away from the show. I looked at the notification to see that the Avengers in the group chat texted me, asking me if I was fine or if I needed anything, which I thought the healthy decision would be to ignore them, but that didn't seem right as I received a private message from Barton. He texted me to see if I needed to talk. Truth, is I did, but I thought what I was going to say to him. I responded with a "yes" and a few moments later my door opened. 

Barton came over and sat at the edge of my bed, looking at me in silence. He didn't sign anything, he just waited for me to talk. 

"I was with Hydra..." I signed as I trailed off, trying to figure out the right words. "I was tied down to a chair...they um they gave me a serum--which I didn't know of what. I-tried, I tried so hard to make the pain, the burning stop, I just wanted it to stop," I signed slowly. Barton's face softened as he watched me sign my trauma out for him. I wanted to cry, I wanted to show weakness, but I can't I felt almost numb. I started to bite my nails, as I tried to release the emotions focusing on the task. 

"I don't understand what's that like, but we do have people on this team that does," he signed, his face shows sympathy. 

"I can't even look at James," I explained to him. His eyebrows furrows, showing a questionable face. "He-he gave me my scare. He helped Hydra torture me. I can't even look at him," I admitted to the archer. He nodded, his eyes dropping before he made eye contact with me again. I shut my eyes for a split second as I tried to ground myself in the moment. 

"Have you ever felt like you're someone else?" I asked him. "Like you're a puppet for someone else's gain? Like you'll never be the good guy?" I asked, my hand movements becoming sharper.

"Yes. Did you hear about other reports on the scepter from 2012?" he questioned me, I nodded. 

"You were under the scepter's control, right?" he nodded as he responded. "So, you know how it feels to do someone else's work...I want this to be over, I don't want another person to be hurt," I admitted. His eyes gazed away from mine for a minute or two before he continued eye contact. 

"How did you make in Hydra?" Barton asked, he seemed curious, like he wanted to listen.

"I had no choice," I replied. "It was either survive or be killed. I was a damaged soul...I don't want to go back," I expressed to him, which was new for me, I had never been allowed to express anything, to anyone before. 

Barton finally convinced me to go and eat with everyone, he kept reassuring me that what happened yesterday would not happen again. I followed him to the kitchen, everyone's eyes made contact with mine, before I looked to the ground. I walked to the table taking a seat across from Barton. 

James kept trying to make eye contact with me, but I didn't keep it for very long. He seemed to get discouraged about it. I looked at the plate full of food that was put on the table in front of me, I felt a hard vibration on the table, the plate of food shook. Some of the Avengers stood up, assessing the situation. I looked quickly around the room, frantically trying to find the source of the vibration.

James, James made the intense vibration, his eyes filled with pure fury. I saw his lips moving, something between the lines of You are an idiot. He went on, rambling about things that I couldn't understand.

 Barton began to tense, I did as well. Natasha walked over to James trying to defuse the situation. After nothing seemed to calm him, Loki stood in front of me, blocking my view of James, Barton was still standing behind me patting my shoulders as a calming gesture. 

I peeked around the god to catch a glimpse of Stark chiming in doing that same thing Natasha was doing, but his body is more leaned towards James, meanwhile Natasha's seemed calmer. Everyone else seemed to position themselves on defense, waiting for James' move. 

Instead of doing what they wanted of me, with all my force that I had I pushed Loki away. I gesture for Barton to translate. I face James, as he stopped what he was doing giving his full attention to me. Barton stood next to him as well. 

"J-a-m-e-s, you are never going to hear that acceptance, okay? Hydra did those things to us...But I can't just forgive and forget so easily. Please... just give me space and time, okay?" I asked my hands moved at such a rate that even Barton looked impressed. 

I looked to Barton. "I understand, but you have to trust me also," I looked to James for a minute before I gave him a nod. 

A/N

It is currently almost 5 in the morning...Wrote this chapter while re-watching some Marvel movies, yeah whoo! Boring I know, but I wanted to say I apologize, life had thrown me multiple curveballs (I know I always say this, but it's the truth) I will try to get back on schedule with the once-a-week chapter, but with the holidays it might change I will keep everyone updated by my conversations or by author notes. Thank you all for supporting this story and understanding. 

P.S this story has gotten over 1k and I wanted to say a huge thank you, I first started writing this year and I had never thought I would have a book that has over 1k views, so thank you's. 

(Chapter edited)