Hydra's Widow

Chapter Twenty-Two

A/N~ I can't believe I'm saying this, but only one chapter left. I came so far, and this book is my life, my soul, my first main project. I hopefully will have a surprise/reveal at the end of this book! "We are in the endgame now, my fellow MCU obsess friends."

Floating, floating is what I felt. I cracked my eyes open as I saw black, it wasn't bad, it was welcoming...My head was cleared of thoughts, for once. I wanted to stay in the black abyss, no worries, not responsibilities, and no Hydra. I finally could have peace, like I've always wanted. 

All things must end somehow. My eyes focused on a ceiling above me. I was no longer floating, I was laying on a soft bed, people rushed around me. The room was bright, all the faces that looked at me was all so famous faces I love and know. All I wanted to do was shut my eyes again and go back to the calming black abyss.

I fought to keep my eyes open, but with them drooping it didn't happen. I felt drained, I couldn't do anything, but to surrender to the darkness. 

'Kill,'

'The Winter Soldier must die,'

'We will destroy the Avengers,'

'Hail Hydra.' 

*

I gasped awake; my head raised to look around the dimmed room.  I looked frantically around the room for any threats, which I didn't find. I felt a sense of panic, no one was around me. I tried to get off of the bed I was laying in, but something was around mt wrists. I looked down to see that I was handcuffed to the bed. My breathing became shallow, my heart started to speed up, my head became clouded with thoughts, my hands started to sweat. 

I wanted out, I needed out. I couldn't be here any longer. Fear consumed me, soon anger came, mixing emotions together like a tornado. My head became a spiral of thoughts, water began to pile behind my eyes, I didn't try to stop the tears this time. I let my emotions out. 

Feeling a harsh vibration, I looked over to the sound. James stood in the doorway, I should have been embarrassed, but in the moment I didn't care. I leaned my head back on the pillow to continue crying. 

I didn't expect him to put a hand on my shoulder, he rubbed small soothing circles on my shoulder blade. I continued to sob into the pillow, he didn't stop either. I felt another hand taking the restraints off of my wrists. As soon as the cuffs were off, I held my head in my hands. The other person tapped me on my other shoulder, I didn't pay attention to the tap. The tap became more demanding, so I obeyed this time. I looked up to see Stark standing on my right side. 

He softly moved my hand to his chest; he gave a small soft smile at me. He started to breath at a steady pace, I started to follow the pattern of his breathing. 

In...

Hold,

Out...

In...

Hold,

In...

Hold,

Out.

He had me repeat that pattern until my breathing steadied and my tears stopped. When everything started to mellow, Stark gave me a hug, which I never thought he was capable of human affection. James on the other hands gave me an awkward pat on the back. It shocked me. 

'Did he not want a hug? Or any affection?' 

"What happened?" I asked the pair. 

"It was normal, of course, you blacked out, but you tried to attack Barnes," Stark explained, slowly. I guess they didn't want to wait for Barton or Natasha (who has learned sign quickly enough to translate most things). 

I shook my head. I had heard those words, but surely this is just some cruel nightmare, I would wake up at any moment now. I kept shaking my head at that thought, maybe if I shake my head, maybe it would wake me up, maybe...A hand firmly grabbed my head, stopping my motion. 

"How?" I asked James. 

He looked at me, his face filled with mild confusion. "With a knife...?" 

"No, James," I replied. 

His face lit up in recognition. "Stark, and Banner declared it was the serum that Hydra was working on." 

My jaw clenched; we were right! I couldn't believe what I was hearing. They did it, they made me more of a monster, a hatred monster. A monster so bad that I could take down hundreds of men, just me alone. Once they find out (if they haven't already) they could create armies, what will we do then? 

"We did find a solution to the word, thingy," Stark replied, I looked to him. "Loki is willing to help take the words out of your head." 

"How?" I asked Stark. "It's not like the Technique that they used with James," I reminded him.

"Everything has a source, right?"  I nodded to Stark. "So, when we find the source, Loki can remove it from the root. Problem solved." 

"If it doesn't work?"

"We try something else," James replied, looking me in my eyes. I felt as though I had no choice but to nod. I didn't agree, but what else could I say or do? "For now, you need to resist the words."

"How did you do it?" I questioned; James smirked at me. 

"I had help along the way," he answered, looking at Stark. 

I remembered my mission I was to complete. The one that would lead me back to the path of death. The same death that led me to here, to safety. The compound is my home, this is my home, not some cell, not some mission. I will vow to myself that I will never let myself kill James, I will not let Rumlow win, I can't, these people are my family, and I can't lose any of them. 

"We'll let you get some shut-eye, ash," Stark told me, walking towards the door to leave the room, James following behind. 

I banged on the table beside me with such force that James would turn around. He jumped, startled by the sound, but he turned. "Stay with me?" I signed, scared of being alone right now, I needed him in this moment. I didn't care what the others thought, right now I just wanted James. 

He hesitated for a second before he walked to me. He made his way to the bed; he moved a chair from the corner of the room to in front of the bed. He took a seat, grabbing one of many magazines from the hidden compartment underneath the chair. I turned on my side as he started to look inside a magazine. I closed my eyes trying not to think about tonight, or to think about the next step.