why do you hate me?

5- Miami

28.04.2022-10.05.2022

I get up pretty early the next morning. I already packed my stuff so all I have to do is check out of the hotel and drive to the airport. I get on the plane and make myself comfortable, scrolling through social media a while before I hear a door opening.

"Bonjour ma chérie" Charles walks towards me with a smile on his face

"good morning, are you good?"

"a lot better now that I'm with you" He smiles at me before sitting down as well. He's such a flirt sometimes.

"glad I could help" I grin. "You know you still need to tell me something right?"

"yeah, I do" he gets comfortable in his seat and continues to talk "it's not really spectacular but when I was younger I used to be in therapy because I used to blame myself for everything happening during a race. And not just like 'oh I could've change it, but really bad like I would feel like the worst person on the planet even when it had nothing to do with me." He says it emotionless. Just rushing out with it like he'd tell me the weather. His face looks empty and I'm pretty sure that it's just a cover. I can tell by the way that he tells it that it's a lot more than just that. 

"I'm really sorry, did it help you?" I ask him carefully, guessing how hard it was for him to truthfully talk about it.

"yeah it did." He nods. "I'm not healed from it but I'm way better. Sometimes I still blame myself but mostly only if it really had something to do with me. I haven't found a way to stop it even not with therapy" he looked on the ground during this entire time. I take his hand in mine and he looks up at me. His eyes look empty and sad but at the same time so full of power.

"thanks for sharing it with me, that means a lot to me" I say genuinely meaning it and giving Charles a little smile.

With that the conversation goes on to other topics. We talk about our racing childhood, our way up to the Formula 1, other hobby's and all sort of things.

"you like to play the piano don't you?"

"yeah how did you know" I answer him

"I don't know anymore. I think someone mentioned it. You need to play something for me one day"

I cringe at the thought. I hate playing in front of other people, being too insecure about it.
"Only if you'll play too." I say quickly to avoid answering to his previous question. Pierre ones mentioned that he could play the piano. I remember him making a stupid joke about it something along the lines of 'maybe you two have more in common than you think. You'd be lovely together' I got angry at him when he said it and now I'm sitting here in a plane with Charles and exactly what he said is starting to come true. Funny how things change.

After my plane lands in Miami I just want to drive to my hotel, however there is a problem with the car.

"what do you mean the car still needs time until it's here?" I'm on the phone with the manager of Ferrari.

"we're sorry can you maybe just drive with Charles"

"yeah okay" I answer and we leave the airport together. Just when we walk out there is huge flashlight attack. I'm used to paparazzi but it's never been that much. Or at least not without me knowing there is going to be paparazzi.

"just stay close to me" Charles says and takes my hand to push me through the people towards his car. Something weird starts to tingle inside of me. We've done a lot more intimate things than holding hands but something about this is different. It's not for pleasure or something along the lines of that. He's just holding my hand, dragging me through the paparazzi, trying his best to not get me hurt. It feels like he actually cares about me and my heart starts to warm at that but at the same time it's getting really heavy.
Why am I feeling this way towards him?