why do you hate me?

12- France

16.07.2022-25.07.2022

A week later I'm on my way to Castellet for the French grand prix.

I'm honestly not too motivated to get back on track and don't get me wrong, I absolutely love racing, it's one of the only things that can always make me happy, but lately there has just been so much drama around it that it's getting a bit hard to just relax and enjoy it.
But the show must go on so here I am.
20th of July, ready for some team meetings, Ferrari challenges for youtube and of course the race weekend.
I get out of my car and walk up to my hotel room, taking a quick glance at my phone.

everyone's fav f1 wags🫶🏻

Isa: anyone down to get something to eat? And maybe go clubbing in the evening?

I cringe a bit at the name realizing that I should probably change it again, just to tell them we broke up.

everyone's fav f1 wags+lilly🫶🏻

Kelly: Oh my god, no way, are you okay?

Carmen: no Lilly what happened?

Lilly: I'm fine, we can meet up and I'll tell you everything!

I quickly bring my stuff into my room and put on some different clothes before leaving the hotel again.

I'm meeting with Isa, Carmen, Kelly and Heidi at some restaurant to get some food before I have a few meetings with the team.

They are already there when I arrive and all embrace me into a big group hug.
"Lilly, why didn't you say something, are you okay?" Heidi asks me before I even get to say anything.

"yeah, honestly I'm fine. Or well maybe not completely but I'm fine with the whole Lewis thing" I answer her truthfully.

"when did that even happen?" Isa asks now.

"after the brunch in Austria. He drove me home and we talked afterwards. It's a bit complicated and I don't want to go into detail but I think it's better the way it is now. And we are still friends so no bad blood" I smile at them.

"I'm so sorry" Kelly smile at me sympathetic. "What about the other thing?"

I look at her confused. "Oh you mean why I'm not completely fine?" she nods. "Well just this whole racing stuff brings a lot of drama lately and I'm so exhausted, I kind of don't even want to race on the weekend" It's the first time I'm saying that out loud and it feels crazy. Racing is everything for me, but at the moment all I want to do is lay in my bed all day and cry. I don't even know why, I'm just really exhausted and stressed.

"I don't think we're the right ones to help you with that but I'm sure it'll come back. You love what you're doing after all and there are hard times but think about all the good times. Every win and maybe the championship at the end of the year. And also the people you've met because of your passion. They are your family. Danny had that quite a few times too but in the end going back has always been what makes him the happiest" Heidi smiles at me and gives me a quick hug.

"thanks" I answer weakly before changing the topic to something else. So that's how we spend our day. Talking, laughing and eating. I'm not really listening most of the time, still feeling a bit off but it feels good to just be surrounded by them.

"sooo! Party this evening, who's in?" Isa looks at me expectant.

"sorry, I'm out" I reply with an apologetic face.

"what why?" she looks a bit shocked.

"didn't get too much sleep these past days and I have some stressful ones in front of me" I look away, trying to avoid any more questions.