White dust (Mature)

Part 5 - What now?

"She's in love with me," Lindsey sat down across from Christine as she was finishing up her tea.

"Well, like that is anything new!" she placed her cup down on the table and crossed her legs, bouncing one of her knees up and down.

"It's different though. We don't talk about this - about us, what happened, what could have happened...She's obsessed, enthralled - completely incapable of understanding that I'm married and we're over."

"Is it?"

"Is it, what?"

Chris cocked her head to the side, examining him, "Are you and Stevie really over?" she crossed her arms.

Lindsey was quiet for a moment and leaned over, looking down at the carpeting, "I've told myself over and over that Stevie blew it, that I would never let her in to my heart again...but she's always been there, haunting me just like in her damn songs. Stevie was my first for many things and the first REAL relationship I had. I was so in love with her, Chris."

"And you still are."

He looked up at her, one of her eyebrows raised, "Yes."

Nodding, Christine leaned a little closer and lowered her voice, "You're like a brother to me, Lindsey, my little brother, so I'm going to say this...You fvcked up."

Those weren't the words that he generally wanted to hear as he leaned back in the chair and rolled his eyes, sighing, "Stevie made me marry her," he covered his mouth with his hand.

"Oh, so it wasn't your idea to marry, Kristen?"

"Not in the least...I told her that I could be a father and still be with her but she is so selfless that she actually thought of Kristen's feelings over her own. Did I think that my marriage would last? No. In ways I feel as if I'm trapped in it, can you believe that? I have three beautiful children in my life and I feel trapped."

"And you're resentful towards Stevie because of what she made you do."

"At times, yes..."

"Don't, "at times" me, bullsh!t, Lindsey. You're resentful that she put you in to that marriage and now you're stuck in it, right?"

"Right...Yes, but I try hard to be loyal and faithful to my family. I wanted it with Stevie more than anything in the world besides my music but we're old now and it's impossible."

"It's not impossible, Lindsey, you're telling yourself that it's impossible but it's not. You need to think about what you want to do because we have a show that is starting in days and all of us have to be in tip top shape. Stevie is completely lethargic and losing her spark. You better fvcking do something or I'm blaming you for the fall," Christine couldn't believe what she was saying but it was true.

Lindsey opened up his arms and gave her a confused look, "Blaming me? Blaming me for what fall?"

"If this show flops. If these shows end up nothing like the ones in the States then I'll know that you can't face your feelings with a beautiful, loving, intelligent human being that is suffering upstairs."

"Isn'that a little harsh?" Lindsey asked with a slight irritation in his voice.

"Harsh or not, that woman up there has deep feelings for you and if you are hiding them and saying you're stuck in a marriage then you are just as to blame for what is going on here."

So much had been opened up to him, so much truth and so much now to face. He knew that it was true but didn't know that he was actually hurting not only Stevie but himself and his own family. Being fake to his own wife even if she was the mother of his children? Lindsey loved his wife but the fact was that he wasn't IN LOVE, only Stevie. Always been Stevie. Always WILL be Stevie.