Taking Chances

Six

It has been 2 days since I met Zhoya Meirres.

I can't get her off my mind.

I dream about her. Some dreams she's running away from the scene and the police arrest me accusing me of killing those two men. Other days I dream that we are in her office and she locks the door and turns to me with a smirk and takes out a gun.

She haunts me in my dreams and haunts me even when I am awake.

I have tried googling her name and nothing comes up.

At this point. I am terrified of her, I have become obsessed with her.

On a Friday, a week after seeing her, I decide enough is enough and I decide I am going to go back to the site.

After lunch I take my things, get in my car and head off to see Zhoya Meirres.

On the drive there, I am nervous, terrified even. A part of me hopes I don't find her...

Before I know it I am on the site.

There is a lot of noise, trucks moving, grinders, men shouting. I head over to her office, my hands shaky, I knock on her office door.

"Come in," her soft voice announces.

My heart races and after a few seconds I open the door and close it behind me.

I am momentarily frozen.

She is wearing glasses and reading something on her desk. Her messy hair in a ponytail again, today she is wearing just a white shirt and what seems to be like brown slacks... 

Wow... The woman is absolutely beautiful.

She looks up and her face registers her shock.

"Ummm... Miss June ... I... I... Eh... I was not expecting you," she stutters.

"I am not here on work matters," I respond calmly.

"Oh..." She says, clearly surprised.

"I remember what happened that night and I saw what you did," I state.

She looks thrown off. She obviously was not expecting me to be so blunt.

She fakes a laugh

"Miss June, what on earth could you be talking about" she responds

Oh she's trying to ferign ignorance.

"Please, none of us are stupid here, do not play dumb with me. I haven't stopped thinking about what I saw ever since it happened," I tell her looking into her eyes.

I see fear in her eyes, and she lowers her eyes onto the floor. She fiddles with her hands...

Oh she knows exactly what I'm talking about...

"You killed those men," I state

And she panicks, walks around her desk and I walk back. She realises I am intimidated by her and she walks back as well.

"Please don't say such things, I am not a murder. I have not killed anyone my entire life..." She pleads whispering...

"Then what did you do?" I ask her.

She moves around her desk and opens a drawer, my heart races, what is she's taking out a gun?

She take out a business card and hands it to me.... I look at it

"Please take it, we cannot talk here, let's meet somewhere and talk about this..." She pleads

I look into her eyes and again I am shocked by how sincere she looks.

I take her business card look at it and put it into my pocket.

"Okay then, I will call you" I tell her.

She nods and says thank you in a soft voice.

I walk out of he office and walk to my car.

I lean my head on the steering while and collect myself together.

You would think after seeing her again, I feel better, my my heart is racing still. I turn on the engine and drive home.

I reach home at around 4 pm. I take a long needed bath in the tub, fill it up with some lavender oils to find some relaxation.

I order some food, I'm  am not in the mood to cook.

I go to bed early.

I go to the pocket of the blazer I was wearing and take out the card.

I look at it. Zhoya Meirres, work landline 902238013, cellphone contact 3423003930...

I contemplate calling her, but end up chickening out if it.

I get out of bed, it's only 6 pm. I go to the kitchen, take out some flower and start baking some muffins. Being in the kitchen calms me down. An hour later and I am done.

I open the television and try to watch some news. I go to the kitchen, I open the fridge and pour some milk into a glass, I take two muffins and eat them while drinking the milk.

By now the time is around 8 pm and I am still feeling unsettled.

I switch off the TV and the lights as well. I go to the bedroom and enter the bathroom to brush my teeth.

I feel the need to be touched. I try to ignore it.

I switch off the lights and light up two candles and I play some music.

After lying in bed for about 10 minutes, I open my bedside drawer and take out a pack of cigarettes.

I light one up and let the nicotine do its work. After one cigarette I feel better and I light another one. Images of Zhoya Meirres flash in my mind...

By the third one I'm alright and at the fourth one I stop.

I have never smoked this many cigarettes before all at once.

I feel myself getting drowsy and I blow off the candles and get under the duvet. I leave the music on for the rest of the night...

Is this what is means to be a hard girl?