Taking Chances

Ten

A week later and I have made up my mind.

I am going to pursue Zhoya Meirres.

That's sounds straightforward right? But I have no clue on how to do it.

I have never pursued a woman before. What do I do? Send flowers? Write her email? Call her?

And then there is rejection? What is she doesn't want me? The most important question ladies and gentlemen and non-binary folks? Does she even like other women??...

But my will seems stronger than my fear.

I look for the card Zhoya had given me and when I find it I text her.

"Would you like to get some hotdogs some time?"

I cringe, but send the text either way.

Samantha and I are still avoiding each other. I have decided maybe it's for the best.

An hour later and I receive a text from her

"Yes, when"

I sigh with relief.

"Saturday? It doesn't have to be hotdogs though, any food of your choice"

"Okay, is lunchtime alright,?

"Perfect" I respond

What is she misinterprets this as just wanting to be friends? Argh... Feelings are complicated...

The week flies by and before I know it, it's a Saturday.

After contemplating on what to wear and changing about a dozen outfits, I finally settle on a red summer dress and white sandals.

We decided on going to some Italian restaurant.

I am a bit late and when I enter, she is already there on our reserved table, she stands so I can see her.

She is wearing a black pantsuit and a white shirt. Today her hair is let loose. It is not in a ponytail. I have the urge to run my hand through it...

Pls keep it together Zuhrah June...

"Hi," she says when I finally reach the table.

"Hi," I say back.

I sit down and so does she.

Ladies and gentlemen, I Zuhrah June am on a date with Zhoya Meirres. The cute head engineer who looks like she is a military chick.

Let us all take minute to let that sink in... Phew...

Life is truly full of wonders.

"You like Italian," I ask her

"Yes, you?" I like it too I answer.

I try to make conversation but it feels awkward and forced.

The food comes and I focus on it.

I finish everything on my plate.

She only eats half... I am already a chubby brown girl. She must think I'm a pig.

The waiter asks if we would like some dessert we both say no and yes at once... Her saying yes and me saying no.

I want the dessert, but said no because I thought she would probably say no...

We order desert. It's absolutely delicious. At least she finishes the desert.

"Did you enjoy your food?" She asks

"Yes, you" I respond

I did she says back.

I call the waiter to pay for the bill.

We fight over who is to pay the bill. I want to pay the bill, because I obviously asked her out.

She wants to pay the bill because she feels it's right.

In the end I pay the bill and she tips the waiter.

We awkwardly stand up to leave... I feel so awkward and cringy...

This date was so awkward.

When we are outside, she is looking at her feet and I decide to spare her all of this awkwardness.

"Thank you for coming, I will be on my way now" I announce

She looks up

"Oh, you didn't want to do anything else," she asks surprising me.

"No," I tell her.

"Okay then, thank you as well." She responds

We go our different ways I get in my car and head to my apartment. 

It has been about an hour since I arrived and wow. I feel miserable.

I fucked up by asking her on that date. She absolutely did not want to be there. She probably only agreed because she thought she owed me or something for keeping her secret...

Oh mine. I was really not meant for love.

I haven't felt this bad since I got a 30% in my accounting test for the first time ever during my second year in university.

I feel so bad and I don't understand why because it's not like I had known her for a long time or anything...

I feel tears approaching and I pour myself a glass of wine and play some music.

I get into the bathtub and just relax. After that I dry myself off and get in bed.

I wake up from sleep. I didn't even realise when I fell asleep. I grab my phone to check the time and it's 11 pm. I have been asleep for nearly 6 hours. I see I also have new text messages.

"Hey, thank you for today"- sent 5 hours ago.

"I hope you got home safely"- 5 hours ago

"Sorry if I was a bit weird, I haven't been on many dates"- 4 hours ago.

"Goodnight, I hope I didn't do anything wrong"- 2 hours ago.

I actually smile and feel so relieved after seeing her messages...

Wow... There's light at the end of the tunnel...

"Hey, sorry for taking so long to respond, I fell asleep when I can back and just woke up."-

"You didn't do anything wrong, at all."-

I send the messages.

I get out of bed and stretch my limbs, all the while smiling. I use the bathroom and I'm surprised to find messages from her.

"Oh, thank goodness. I thought I had scared you off or something"- 6 minutes ago

"Not at all"- I respond

"Goodnight then"- she sends back

"Goodnight"- I write back.

I feel so giddy. I don't remember being this giddy ever...

Zhoya Meirres will be the death of me.