Nocturnal Me (Nameless Ghoul Rain/Water x Reader)

Chapter 21- Mercurial Rumination

     He couldn't believe it. He actually did it. He did the one single thing he had tried his best to forestall.

     And it was all his fault.

     Rain listened to your footsteps trail off in the empty hall as you ran away from the scene. His arm was still outstretched, suspended in mid-air as if he could have stopped you. He wouldn't have, knowing it would only make things worse than they already were, but it was so like him to stay in place and not chase after. The bridge between you and himself had snapped, unspoken words and unshared proclamations of love left behind in the carnage.

     He should have just told you what was going on. He should have explained it last week, or that night in his room, or when you were both sitting by the fire, or when you explicitly asked him what was wrong not even a half hour ago. None of this would have happened if he was just fucking honest.

     Tears of anger and grief soaked the inner fabric of his mask.

     Of course you would have fucking understood. It was YOU! You of all people would understand! You were his best friend, his literal fucking soulmate. The one person he had ever turned to unprovoked if something was bothering him. How fucking dare he take that for granted. How fucking dare he lie to you.

     He didn't mean to scare you. He didn't mean to lose control. He just was so blinded by rage, he couldn't stop himself.

     Rain's hand dropped down to his side limply.

     The feeling of your heart pounding out of your chest was one he would never forgive himself for. He could feel how scared you were. Satan, you were terrified. He had never seen anyone so frightened before. He could see you trembling with fear as you struggled to comprehend what you had stumbled upon. His name coming from your mouth in a tone of such apprehension and distress absolutely shredded him.

     He thought he would have been the one to defend you if you were ever in the face of danger.

     He didn't think he would have ever been the danger itself.

     Rain was wrong about a lot of things tonight, but the one thing he did get right was that he didn't deserve you. He didn't deserve a single piece of you. Not your love, not your kindness, not one single fucking thing. He didn't deserve any of it. What he deserved was to stay in Hell with his brothers and burn for all eternity. That's what he fucking deserved.

     He felt like screaming. He felt like pulling out all of his hair. He felt like ripping off his skin and setting himself on fire. Anything, anything to distract from the feeling of his soul shattering in his chest.

     He was so unbelievably heart-broken.

     Rain slowly sank to a crouch and put his head in his hands, fingers curling around the nylon cloth on his neck and held it as tight as he could. Strands of his hair were caught in between it all, a burning pain emanating from his scalp. He gasped for air, an anguished sob finally retching from him after minutes of standing in a shocked silence.

     Who would have ever thought a beast could learn how to talk; Its first words a scream, the next, a cry.

     It would learn that it was never meant for simple pleasures and love, just a life of torment and self-denigration; Living in fear of its own claws and teeth knowing well they've hurt itself more than anyone else, wondering if its madness was a regularity or a sin.

     "No... no~" He shook his head in denial.

     He was a fucking monster.

     The sound of his name off your tongue kept chanting in his head, wrapping its barbed wires around his throat and strangling him until more blood drew from his already weeping wounds. It felt like he was drowning, giant waves as big as city buildings crashing and beating him down over and over again, unrelenting, unforgiving. Every time he would come up for oxygen, he was dragged further and further down into the current, lost forever at sea with no one but himself knowing what had really happened to him.