His Desire

▪34 : All yours▪

"GET READY TO A GET A WHOLE LOOOTTTT OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS INTERACTIONS FROM NOW ONWARDS!!"

So here's another looooooong chapter dedicated to all my readers. <3

🔸🔹✍(◔◡◔)(✿◠‿◠)🔹🔸

Stirring the hot chocolate that I just prepared, I was deeply focused on the Krishna flute blaring into my ears through my earphones, the only thing calming the storm raging in my head.

My life has never been normal. Problems had such an affinity with me that they never completely left my side and to think I'd be used to it by now..

Phew!

By now I should definitely be used to the hurt and pain that comes along with the fact that I know my loved ones have it worse and yet, I'm not doing a single thing.

I'm such a useless person who can't even help her own family..and is here trying to help others! Why is fate so cruel to me?

The helplessness I felt because of their helplessness yesterday hit me like the lightening on a stormy night, making it worse with all its thunderous associations.

You know the moment where you're so sad and so helpless that you literally feel your heart ache, you start gasping for breaths because you just forget to breathe, nothing makes sense and you don't even try because all you want to do is scream out aloud but even that, you can't.

Not a usual occurrence but I had a panic attack yesterday which was not my first and definitely not the worst. I guess the continuous turn of events triggered me and then that call was the final straw and with lungs burning in need of air, I fainted.

I know I couldn't go back. I don't have money to buy a loaf of bread at the moment, let alone a flight ticket. And even if I somehow went back, it'll still be useless as the current damage has already been done. What would I even do?

Absolutely nothing for I'm such a weak person. What do I even have? Neither money nor status. I'm absolutely useless and will only burden them as well as my own self if I went back at the moment.

I need to get them out but me freaking out wouldn't do a thing. God, the only thing I need from you right now is patience and strength. Rest all, I'll manage on my own. I'm capable of it and slowly but surely, I'll make it all better. I'll make them all happy and I'll make myself happy.

I will.

Like always, after freaking the hell out I finally came back to my senses. Like always, I realised that the only thing I need to do is trust myself. I may not be capable at the moment but in near future, I'll surely be.

So after giving my friends an almost attack, I woke up in Lily's room with Lily relentlessly pacing around and Jason just sitting beside me blankly. After suffering an hour from their overwhelming care where I was forced to eat one of Lily's diet salads, drink what I think was pomegranate juice and listen to a buttload of scolding for not taking care of myself, they finally went on to the part that they were dying to begin.

The one I dreaded the most.

Questioning what the hell happened? What was wrong? As if I knew..

But what I did know was that I didn't faint because of the Knights. Well, they might have had a part in it but they weren't the cause. No matter how much I wanted to convince my friends though, they seemed hell bent on believing otherwise; so much that they literally suggested me to quit working for the Knights.

Like, What. The. Tomatoes.

I knew I could end their doubts easily if only I told them about my home but I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to speak about it. Just thinking about it sent me into another spiral of misery and I literally had to beg my friends to go out, promising that I'll rest just so I could muffle my impending cries and just get over it on my own. They knew I was lying but they also understood my need for space at the moment.