Last Summer || Damon & Brylan

Twenty-six || Damon

TW: THEMES OF SUICIDE

I don't even like alcohol. Sounds counterproductive on my part but God does the burn feel good. Bonus points if I drink enough to feel like I'm not really here. Its peaceful, but Benji obviously doesn't agree or I wouldn't be trying to gag myself in his bathroom toilet.

'Can I please just go to my apartment.' I lean my back against the bathroom wall since I'm seated on the ground. I was there originally, minding my own fucking business until Benji showed up.

Sat on the ground with my phone in hand I had skipped out on training again since I couldn't get myself to leave. I was trying so hard to call her. I just need her to talk to me even if it's for a second but she wasn't responding. I don't know how many beer cans I'd chugged out of desperation to black out or for something to happen but it was enough for Benji to freak out when he saw me.

It's not like I want too but it's so accessible to me. I never need an ID to purchase. They just assumed I was twenty one because I'm tall and my voice is deep. I was aware of it but I never felt the need to abuse it unless I was told to buy for someone else but now I can't fucking stop. So now I'm here and he's forcing me to throw it up.

'Get rid of it before it's absorbed. I like being able to walk to your room, I'll be pissed if I have to drive to the hospital to see you because of alcohol poisoning man.' He indirectly tells me that I can't leave. There's no point on arguing with him when he's firm on something.

He put me on a non alcoholic diet. Parties aren't an exception. The only reason I even went to those was so I had an excuse to drink something. Today was the only non event situation where I realized I don't have to be around people. I don't have to be at a party to drink but my mistake was verbalizing this to him a couple moments ago because now I don't think I'll ever be allowed to leave his room.

I understand where he's coming from I guess. After yesterdays party I went back to my room and I couldn't remember if I had taken my meds for the day since I started taking them again. To figure it out I poured them on the ground and started counting how many were left so I could figure it out. When he came in to check on me it looked like I was trying to kill myself. Asking why I had so many pills in my hand and on the floor, I refused to tell him so he took it badly.

Rocking my head I glance down to my lower arm. 'I always tried to put her first.' I whisper. Keeping my eyes away from Benji I don't think I'll be able to manage seeing any form of pity in his eyes. 'I tried so hard Benji but I wasn't enough. I was never doing enough and when I was I'd just fucking ruin it. I'd hate me too.'

'She doesn't hate you.' He's so certain that I almost laugh. Almost. 'She's just hurt, give her a minute and things will be okay. I promise you. You're doing more than enough Damon.'

Pulling up my leg I curl my body over so my head is rested on my knee. Taking a deep breath I turn my head to look towards him before frowning when it occurs to me that he's just concerned. Not pitying me, he's just worried for me.