Larry, Actually.

Seventeen: December 17th

I apologise for this being a day late. I only realised at 1am.

"H?" He calls, walking into the house. He got a strangely worded text message about ten minutes ago, and he's slightly worried. "Harold? Did you get your hand stuck in a pickle jar again? Your hair tangled in a cupboard door? Please tell me you didn't get your foot stuck in the toilet again, it was bad enough last time. You ruined your shoes."

"Harry isn't here." A voice behind him says, and he jumps, shrieking.

"What the fuck, Louise?! Don't sneak up on me like that!" Louis yells.

"Oh calm down, Louis." Louise scoffs. 

"Where is Harry, then? And why am I here. He messaged me." Louis says. "Look-"

"He didn't, dumbass. I did. The idiot left his phone at home again." Louise says. "And his password is 1234, so."

"Right... And why am I here?" Louis asks, and she grabs him by the sleeve, pulling him into the kitchen. "Woah- what are you doing?"

"Just shut the fuck up, will you?" Louise says, shoving him onto the couch. 

Louis has no idea what's happening. He's a tiny bit scared she's trying to fuck him or something. 

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Louise huffs.

"Like what, exactly?" Louis asks, scooting away from her.

"Like you're scared for your life, genius." She says.

"Cause I am." He says. "I don't know what you're doing here and I'm slightly afraid that you're trying to fuck me or something." 

She scoffs, rolling her eyes. "One, you're too gay to function. That would be horrendous. Two, we look like twins. I'm not so narcissistic that I would fuck a lookalike of myself. That's Zayn. Three, you're my husbands best friend." She narrows her eyes at him at that, and he does his best to remain neutral. "Four, you're a dumbass. An absolute fucking dumbass. It's actually embarrassing for you how dumb you are."

"Right..." He says.

"Although, in fairness, you're not as dumb as my husband. He's really dumb, and unobservant. It's actually scary, how dumb he is." Louise scoffs.

"Hey- don't be rude." Louis says. "Just because Harry is a bit dumb doesn't mean you can insult him."

"What was it you said when you got here? 'Please tell me you didn't get your foot stuck in the toilet again, it was bad enough last time. You ruined your shoes'?" Louise says. "I'm married to an idiot, Louis. You know it as well as I do."

Louis sighs. "Right. Anyway. Um."

Louise holds up a hand, stopping him. "One second."

Then she leaves, and he can hear here pattering about in the kitchen.

He honestly has no idea what's going on, nor what  Louise wanted him for. He's still a tad afraid, obviously. 

Louise comes back in, two glasses of wine in her hand. "This conversation is not one you can have completely sober." She says, handing him one then taking her seat. "I couldn't cope."

"Alright... And what exactly is 'this conversation'?" Louis asks.

"You don't know?" Louise asks, and he shakes his head. "Oh you idiot-"

Louis raises an eyebrow.

"Well..."