Larry, Actually.

Eighteen: December 18th

"Well... I know about your little crush on Harry, and it's just getting sad, watching you thirst over him and not do anything about it."

"Because he's married!" Louis squawks. "To you!"

"Yes, well. I'm sick of it." Louise says. "You're telling him by Christmas Eve or I will. I mean it, Louis." 

Louis sighs, and downs half of his wine. No time for class in a situation like this. "He doesn't like me, Louise. What's the point?"

"You're so dumb." Louis sighs, loudly. "Do you really think it's a coincidence that your best friend married someone who looks like you but gender-swapped?"

"Well, yeah-"

"No you stupid prick! He's fucking in love with you! He just didn't realise cause he's dumb and didn't think to stop and think about the fact that he's marrying someone who looks like you." Louise says. "Do you know how many times he's accidentally called me Louis and not noticed? Even during s-"

"I'm gonna stop you right there." Louis says. "And, anyway, it's just a coincidence. Harry loves you, not me."

Louise slaps a palm to her forehead, sighing heavily. "You're so fucking- so fucking annoying. Why can't you just listen to me? Tell Harry, alright? What have you possibly got to lose?"

"My best friend!" Louis exclaims. "That's what I have to lose! Do you realise how much me telling Harry could fuck things up? I could lose my best friend, you'd lose your husband. Harry would lose everything."

"What if he doesn't? What if he finally realises, Louis? What if this is all amazing?!" Louise exclaims. "What if you missed the best experience of your fucking life because you're a scared little child?!"

Louis sighs. "What if that doesn't happen, though?" 

"What if it does?" Louise says. "You can't hold yourself back from him forever, you're going to end up lonely for your entire life. Tell him, and, hey. If it fails, you can move on with someone new."

"Life isn't that simple, Louise!" Louis yells. He can't tell Harry. Not yet. He's too afraid. Far too afraid.

"Then make it!" Louise demands. "Or I'm telling him. Sure, at first I ignored it. But I can't any longer. I love Harry, really, I do. But I can't stay with him like this. He's so... Infatuated with you, Louis. And he just doesn't understand it. I don't know why, but he doesn't. So he replaced you with me. I love him too much to stay in this marriage, and if you confess, he won't get hurt. But if I just leave, it'll hurt Harry, and I can't do that to him. Yeah, he's a dumb idiot, but I love him."

"I... I'll tell him." Louis sighs. "He- he deserves to know. I've waited too long. I shouldn't of let you marry him..."

"Well, I got the one thing you could never have, and got to mentally torture you a bit in the process. It's not all bad." Louise says. "Now, you need to make telling Harry extravagant."

"Oh for fucks sake."

"You're telling him Love Actually style, Mr. 'It's a self preservation thing'." She says, and Louis groans again.