BTS Eighth Member | The Life: Year 2016

Chapter 43- Tough Love

Author's Note at the End :)

September 13th, 2016:

I woke up groaning at my alarm. I had a splitting headache and roll over not wanting to get up. Finally, after a couple of minutes, I drag myself out of bed and into the bathroom. I gasped seeing myself in the mirror. I looked horrific. I hadn't taken my makeup off and I had cried myself to sleep last night.

I was so so confused. Not only was I stressed by the comeback, but I felt like my relationship was falling apart, and overly paranoid about everything. I was desperately trying to keep things together. I had been so well, everyone thought my major depression was gone, or I at least knew how to cope, but it was all bubbling to the surface again. I hated myself for it.

"Get yourself together," I slapped my cheeks a couple of times before releasing a big sigh and starting to remove my makeup.

I finish and look at my now clean and pretty-looking face.

"That's better," I smile faintly.

I check my phone and see Yoona was going to be late picking me up because of unusual traffic. Jongin and Krystal had also texted me to check how I was. I send Jongin a thumbs-up GIF and another thank you for driving me back. I move on to Krystal's texts.

Kyrstal: Sleep well!

Krystal: Jongin's gotten mad at me for letting you drink too much 😬

Krystal: I had a fun time yesterday tho, I'd love to go out with you sometime soon, maybe after your comeback when you have more time

Y/N: Hahahaha, of course he is 🙄

Y/N: I'd love to meet up again, I had fun too!

Y/N: Hopefully your headache is not as bad as mine 😅

I go to my fridge to get a yogurt to help with the hangover. As I closed the door, my phone started vibrating on my desk. It was Timothée. I pause. Did I want to have this talk now? I had to rehearse and be professional soon and I knew I was probably going to have an emotional breakdown if I spoke to him. In the end, I leave it ring. It hurt me to leave him hanging like this, he was probably worried, but I just couldn't face it yet.

Timothée: Hey, let me know when you're up

Timothée: Hope the hangover's not too bad 😆

I don't answer his texts either.

He was so nice. So perfect. I was evil for doing this to him, which is probably why I just couldn't bring myself to have a serious heart-to-heart about the future of this relationship. As much as I wanted this to keep going, I knew it was just not plausible. This long-distance had helped keep fans off our backs, but it ruined me emotionally. I needed him to be with me physically, more than he could be despite how much he tried. I could feel the tears coming up. Was this really what I wanted though? Jongin was right, he did make me happy. Very happy. But at what cost to him? I couldn't let myself be selfish when he probably could get some beautiful, skinny Hollywood actress or model that could be with him and there for him much more than I could.

I sit down on my bed, head in my hands. I see a glint from the corner of my eye and look up at the box I had all my stuffed toys in. A pink teddy bear's black eyes shone weirdly in the little light coming from my small window. I quickly stand up and pick it up, bringing its eye to mine. Nothing. It was just a normal eye, no camera. I throw it at the wall across in anger.