BTS Eighth Member | The Life: Year 2016

Chapter 50- What Defines Me

Underlined = English

Underlined + Italycised = French

October 7th, 2016:

I woke up from a terrible sleep with a blanket on me. I look out the large window see the sun was up. I slowly sit up and look around. I hadn't properly taken in Yoona's apartment yesterday, but now I was looking, it seemed like she had an eye for interior decorating.

"You're up," she says, making me spin my head toward the kitchen out of surprise, "sorry, I didn't mean to take you by surprise. I would have put you in the bedroom, but you fell asleep before I could get it ready".

"Sorry," I mutter getting up to join her in the kitchen.

"No, don't apologise," she smiles, "how'd you sleep?"

"Terrible," I say quietly, rubbing my face in my hands trying to wake my eyes up.

"Yeah... I guess it's to be expected," Yoona says sadly, "are you hungry?"

"No. Thanks," I smile slightly looking up.

"Do you want to shower?" she asks, "I've put an extra towel on the hanger behind the door and all your products are either on the sink or in the shower".

"Yes, please," I nod, "that'd be nice".

I run my hand through my tangled hair and down my sweatshirt-covered arms.

"It's the first door," she points, "let me know if you need anything".

"Thanks," I say gratefully and go to the bathroom.

I gasp after I get a look at myself in the mirror. I had three hickeys along my neck, my lips were very swollen, and after I had taken off my sweatshirt, I also noticed light bruising on my wrist. He had been true to his word; he could be rough. On top of everything, my hair was a bird's nest. As I softly touched each hickey, I couldn't help but start tearing up again. I was surprised I still had tears left. If I felt used before, it was nothing compared to how I felt now. The only difference was this time had been completely my fault.

I finally rip my eyes away from the mirror and turn the shower on. I wash my body and my hair, but I stay in the shower longer, scrubbing every once in a while at my neck to ensure full cleanliness. I was liking the feeling of the hot water hitting my skin. I lean my head against the wall under the shower head, letting the water hit my back. How ashamed would my mother be? How ashamed would my grandmother be? I wasn't so sure I was the one to make the family proud, my grandmother had been mistaken. I wasn't cut out for this; Bang PD should have chosen a different girl. All I have ever brought was scandal and shame to Bangtan. My tears were now joining the speed the water from the shower was falling. Half of me was thinking I shouldn't be thinking this way. It wasn't my fault, I didn't ask for this and the other half kept bringing up the things I could have done differently. I was so confused.

"Y/N?" I could hear Yoona say while she knocked on the door, "everything okay?"