BTS Eighth Member | The Life: Year 2016

Chapter 56- Defamation

October 29th, 2016:

I was getting a lot more stressed and nervous as the court day approached. I was shaking at normal times and even during the performance at KBS in the morning. We had just finished a fan sign and it was late at night. Sejin had just dropped me off at Yoona's apartment.

"He has what?" I say, absolutely shocked, my tired face replaced with wide eyes.

"He's filed for defamation," Sejin repeats upset, "the lawyers think it's a tactic to stall and postpone the court date, or to scare you into dropping the case".

"I'm defaming him? What the f*ck?" I repeat, "that won't stand right?"

"I don't know, that's all the lawyers have told me," Sejin sighs, "it seems pretty late to be doing it to me. It's probably just a tactic to look innocent, especially with the public court happening on Twitter. He could also make a large amount if he wins... which he won't".

I take in a deep breath looking away. This had really blown up beyond my wildest thoughts.

"It'll be okay Y/N," Sejin says gently, rubbing my arm warmly, "you don't have to go until the 1st. Trust the lawyers".

"This feels so different than last time," I say sadly.

"Yeah... well you're more famous now," he responds, "and Daeseong is fighting back".

I nod slowly, everything running through my mind. It turned out that since I was technically a witness in the case, despite being the plaintiff as well, I wouldn't be able to attend the trial until next week when the witnesses would be needed.  This just meant I would have to suffer longer.  I had basically stopped sleeping, I just couldn't, and I wasn't eating properly anymore. I knew everyone was worried, but I felt like I couldn't control any of it. I wasn't sure how I could keep going physically. I had thrown up my food last night, and this morning. Everyone was worried, but it was obvious I was trying so they couldn't get too upset at me. It just wasn't working.

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October 30th, 2016:

We were shooting a chicken commercial and MBC Section TV Entertainment News. I hadn't slept a wink, replaying every possibility of what could happen in court mixed with the actual incident. I couldn't handle it and ended up just watching YouTube videos. I hadn't eaten any breakfast, scared I would throw up at the wrong time. We were going to have to eat in the commercial anyways.

We were at Big Hit getting our makeup done and changing for the show. I was changing into black shorts, a white t-shirt, and a cute red sweater, just a bit shorter than the shorts, with white stripes at the end of the sleeves.

"Are you sure these are the right size?" I question, coming back from the washroom, holding the shorts up since they kept sliding down slightly.

The head stylist came over confused. She checked the size.

"It should be," she says confused, "it looks like I'll have to pin them though".

She goes off to get pins and I turn to look at myself in the dance studio mirror. I had lost a lot of weight. It looked like my legs were much less chubby than they used to be, and my cheeks were hollower. It was sad really. I could sense people looking at me worriedly as the stylist pinned the shorts tightly. As much as I hated the pitying looks, I had really brought it on myself...