BTS Eighth Member | The Life: Year 2016

Chapter 54- Not Strong Enough

October 20th, 2016:

My dad had gone to visit my grandfather in Jeju for a couple of days before going back to Québec. It had been both a blessing and a curse to have my dad here all week. It was a blessing because he gave me the comfort and support I needed. It was probably the most reassuring thing to know your dad was there to pick up the pieces. On the other hand, it was upsetting knowing he had to see me like this and that this was the first time in a long time we were seeing each other and probably would be the last time in a while. It was disappointing that he had to leave with this me as his last memory of me in person.

ARMYs were just as concerned for me as my dad. Someone had filmed me tumbling down the stairs of Mnet after our last performance on the 13th. It was a very grainy video and I disappeared very clearly, but it was obvious what had happened. They also obviously knew about me leaving the fan sign abruptly and fans had heard me shout but couldn't discern what I had shouted. Coupled with all the videos of me looking very tired and ending the dances looking like I would faint, ARMY were alarmed and worried. Most believed this had something to do with the intruder, but some thought Big Hit was mistreating me and others were saying I just wasn't cut out to be in the group.

Despite the rumours and concern surrounding me, the album was doing unbelievably well. It had received an "all kill" on the charts, Blood, Sweat, and Tears was number 1 on Gaon, the album was placed 26th on the Billboard 200 charts which was the highest of any Kpop group ever, sales were through the roof, and the music video broke the record for fastest Kpop music video to reach 10 million views.

Everyone at Big Hit was ecstatic. I was stunned, to say the least. I knew we had been told this comeback would solidify our place in the industry, and I hoped it would go well, but no one expected it to go this well. To top it all off, yesterday and today we won at the music shows we were promoting at. I couldn't stop myself from being emotional. After everything that was going on, it was a relief that the album was doing well. I hadn't damaged the group's image so far; something was going our way.

It was late at night, and we were back at the company after finishing a fan sign. We had gone to our apartment to change and shower before going back to HQ to work on our personal projects. I was rehearsing the end-of-year performance I was going to do with the girls when I slowly started to get those lower stomach-ache girls know all too well.

"F*ck," I mutter under my breath, going to my bag to see if I had any personal hygiene with me.

"What's wrong?" Jimin, who had been waiting for Hoseok to come back from the washroom to rehearse their intro for MAMA, asks.

"I think my period's starting," I sigh, looking up at him annoyed, "do you have any tampons?"

"I left my bag at home," he shakes his head, "Rap Mon hyung keeps some in his studio I think".

"Cool," I huff, upset that this was yet another thing I was going to have to deal with.

Namjoon usually left his studio unlocked if we were here, unlike Yoongi who locked his studio even when he was inside. I was the only one who knew the code, and I only knew it because he wanted me to have a safe space I knew people couldn't access in case I needed to be left alone or escape a situation.

I get to his studio and knock while opening the door.

"Oppa?" I question, pretty sure I could hear him talking. I walk in a bit confused and quickly understand when I see him holding a phone up. He was doing a V-live.