Coward {A Ziall Fan Fic}

Chapter 4

TW: self-harming

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I sit here in amazement and shock. I can't believe I just did this. I don't know what I was thinking. Well, I sort of do. But why did I pull through with it. I don't really know. But it felt good. Like, the anger and sadness is slowly escaping my body. Like the pain is actually a pain I like. But I caused the pain.

I'm sitting here, naked, in a tub of reddish water. My eyes are still attached to the fresh cut in my left wrist. I honestly have no idea what was going through my head when that steel opened my skin. I guess hurt and anger. At what, though? Or, who?

I barely realized I'm still holding the razor in my hand. I found it in my desk drawer. It was used for the carpet in my dorm when it was getting replaced. The anger erupted in my body again causing me to throw the razor furiously at the opposite wall. I saw the leftover blood splatter against the in its tracks. My head aches with pain and I cover my head right above my ears. I scream, not caring who could hear me. My life is awful. No friends, no family, nothing.

I wrap my arms around my knees and place my head in between. As I'm in my little crouch, I begin to sob. During my weeps of pain I let out soft whimpers. After what seemed like forever, I stopped crying. I slowly move my trembling hands in front of my face so I can see them clearly. The knuckles on my right hand are terribly scarred. I still remember that day. I punched my bedroom wall when my mum told me I was being sent here.

I flip both of my hands over to examine my palms. They've healed, but not fully. Small scabs cover the places that used to be bloody. Then I look at my recent cut. It's still fresh and the blood gladly obliges to pour out.

Tears gather my eyes again as I stand up and begin my real shower. I just really want this nightmare to end already.

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I decided to just relax in my sweats and jacket. As I was listening to music, I realized I had school today. Whatever. Everyone has one free day once every month they could use. I guess today is my day. I also have tutoring with Niall today. Should I dare go? I don't think he even wants to see me.

I paused the music on my ipod when I thought I heard someone knocking on my door. Someone was knocking on my door and I groaned. I slumped the whole way and I wasn't expecting to see Liam in front of me.

He had a worried look across his face and when he saw me open the door he smiled shyly. I had a confused look on my face and Liam just stood there, still worried. He was the first to break the silence,

"Hi, um, Zayn? Yes that's it. Well, I just wanted to know if you would like to talk? You haven't been outside all day and school is already over. I was worried when you didn't show up to math class-yes I'm in your class-and did your usual routine of drawing the entire time. Anyways, I had to get something from my dorm during lunch when I heard some screaming coming from your dorm. I wanted to know if you were all right."

"Listen, I don't need any help. So just-"

I paused in the middle of my sentence. I can't just avoid someone else who is willing to care for me. I have another opportunity to have a friend and I can't blow it this time. Liam seems like he really cares, too. If he didn't, he wouldn't even be asking if I'm okay!

I clear my throat and just give a small nod and even smile a little. He just smiled and asked if he could come in. I gladly let him in.

He sat down on my computer desk chair and I sat on my bed. He fiddled with his thumbs and I waited.