Living With Seven Brothers

Chapter 4: Visitation

When we finally got home I ignored everyone and ran straight to my room to change. I just wanted to go for a ride and to get away from everyone. I quickly changed into jeans and a t-shirt then rushed past everyone slipping my boots on and running outside. Once at the barn I quickly grabbed my horse Starbuck and got her saddled. I then lead her out to the training ring hopping on once there. I took her on a few walking laps then we started to trot. Once I felt like she was warmed up enough I decided to get her to run. I didn't even notice that my brothers and Pa were watching. I was just letting the wind hit my face as I flow through the air on Starbuck. It made me feel amazing and free like everything that had happened the past couple of days had just disappeared.

"Kat that's enough cool her off and let's go inside Momma wants you," Pa yelled grabbing my attention. I sighed but did as I was told, heading inside once I was done.

"Kat baby we need to talk, about the things that you have at your Mothers home. Do you want to go get it or do you want Pa and me to go? Either way is fine honey, they are finally letting us get in there." Momma said handing me a water bottle.

"Momma I really don't want to go back there." I sighed looking down at my feet.

"That's fine baby Pa and I can go and pack up. We will do it tomorrow." She said kissing my forehead and walking out of the room. I sighed as the memory of the other day flashed in my mind. My mother's body just laying there on the ground sent shivers down my back. As I stood there in the kitchen frozen in time contemplating my life.

"Kat are you okay?" Bruce asked as he put his hand on my shoulder causing me to jump out of my daze. I didn't realize I was crying and shaking until now that's embarrassing.

I nodded and whipped my tears away. "I am fine."

"You don't look fine little sis what's bugging you?" He gave me a concerned look.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay well if you change your mind just let me know."

"Okay, thanks," I mumbled and made my way out of the kitchen.

The week went on and it was Wednesday which I was not ready for because it was the visitation. Momma had been running around like a chicken with her head cut off making food and getting everything set up. She and Pa had gone to my Mothers house and packed up all my things which really wasn't much. I am just glad I didn't have to see that nightmare of a place.

I learned more about Bruce and Ben. Ben was our Dads company's CEO and Bruce worked under him. They had told me my other two oldest brothers were teachers at the prep school my three other brothers went to and where I was going to go. Ben had said that all my brothers were excited to see me again and that they had all missed me.

I slipped on the black dress that Momma had got me and I fixed my hair. I was not ready for this at all, I sighed and slipped my shoes on making my way downstairs. Momma, Pa, and the twins had already left to run errands before the visitation.

"You ready Kat?" Ben said as he sipped on coffee at the kitchen table. It had become his and Bruce's work area for the week. They always seemed in sink as if one person. I swear sometimes they communicated by just a look which could be scary might I add.

"Yeah, let's get this over with," I said walking towards the door with them following behind me. The ride to the funeral home was silent as Ben drove. Once we got there they had thirty minutes for just the family to spend with Mom. I refused to go up to the casket the entire time I couldn't bring myself to see her. I had seen her every night in my nightmares since she had been killed. Ben and Bruce went up there with sad faces but they were more filled with pity, than being sad that their Mom died. I guess not being around her for years made them less likely to grieve her.

"Hey, Kat do you want me to go up there with you to see her?" Ben sat down patting my knee.

"No thank you, I am good back here." I shrugged. He didn't bug me anymore, however, Ben or Bruce stayed by my side all night. People came in and out most of them were all people that came to see and support me. My teachers, classmates, and church group. Not really anyone came just for Mom, she only had druggies for friends.

It was finally time to leave and I couldn't be more ready. The only bad part of it is that we still had to come back in the morning.

"Katherine." I look up to see Momma giving me a gentle smile. "It's time to go we are the last ones here. Would you like to go up and see your Mom? We will all go up there with you." I look around to see the twins, Pa, and my brothers all looking at me. I guess this time is better than any other time. I stood up and started to walk up to the coffin. Each step seemed like it took an eternity like I was walking to my doom. As the casket got closer my heart rate started to quicken, and the amount of dread that was building up felt like I was drowning. My breaths started to feel shallow like I couldn't get enough air into my lungs.

I took my last step and looked down at my Mom. She was laying there lifeless just like the other day. It's like my brain was putting me right back in that house. All I could see was the blood and hear her screams. I felt the tears falling down my face as I tried my hardest to breathe but everything I pulled into my lungs felt like fire. I actually think someone was screaming it was too loud to be just in my head.

I felt arms wrap around me and pull me away from the casket. The screaming had stopped but the air I took in still felt like fire. My eyes were still over flooded with tears as I felt my body shaking.

"What's wrong with her?" I heard Bruce's voice with worry, fear, and anger laced in it.

"She is having a panic attack you dumb ass." Jaz spat.

"Jasmine Skylar watch your mouth. I will deal with you later." Pa scolded her. "Kat baby girl I need you to listen to me. I need you to try and breathe, in..... now out....... Good girl keeps doing that following my breaths. Remember you are safe and no one will hurt you." He grabbed my hand and put it on his chest so I could feel his breathing. I focused on that as he spoke softly to me letting me know everything was okay. Once I calmed down I looked around to see everyone staring at me with concern.

"Can we go home please?" I asked whipping the few stray tears that were left.

"Yes, let's go home." Pa nodded.

The drive home didn't take too long but the ride was silent. I went straight to my room and changed into some pajamas. Jaz and Jase were already on the couch changed flipping through Netflix and looking for something to watch. I sat down in the middle and laid my head in Jase's lap.

"How are you feeling Kitty Kat?" He asked running his fingers through my hair.

"Not good, but I will live." I sighed as Jaz turned on a movie. It didn't take long before Pa came in glaring at Jaz.

"Jasmine you need to go to your mother's and mine room." He said in a stern voice. Jaz sighed and stood up heading to their room as Jase and I gave her a sympathetic look. We both knew what was about to happen and we felt terrible for her. While Jaz walked to her doom I laid on the couch as Jase ran his fingers through my hair causing me to slowly fall asleep.