𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐂𝐘

11|𝙷𝚄𝚁𝚃 𝙿𝙴𝙾𝙿𝙻𝙴 𝙷𝚄𝚁𝚃 𝙿𝙴𝙾𝙿𝙻𝙴

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐂𝐘
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𝐎𝐌𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐓

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𝙅𝘼𝙉𝙀𝙇𝙇𝙀 𝙎𝘼𝙏 𝙊𝙉 𝙃𝙀𝙍 𝘽𝙀𝘿 deep in her thoughts about the situation that had happened two weeks ago.

Yes you heard that correctly, it had been exactly 14 days since she'd last seen Nehemiah, but definitely wasn't the last time she had heard from him. He called her, tried to pop up at her work place just so he can feel a sense of solace knowing that she was safe.

Janelle's biggest fear was coming true, it devasted her that she didn't say I love you back knowing that's how she felt. Her talk with Kailie let her know she fell inlove and was most certainly falling deeper. Janelle's eyes watered just thinking about that day, she noticed that the stallions had been losing their games, it was mainly Nehemiah fumbling the ball.

Coach had finally squeezed the information from Nehemiah and Nehemiah was going through heartbreak. Although their relationship wasn't over, he couldn't carry on acting as if it didn't hurt him severely. Nehemiah took a deep breath and placed four gentle yet loud knocks onto Janelle's door.

Janelle wiped her face and made her way to the door looking through the peephole. She blew out a shaky breath before unlocking her locks and opening the door to face him. In her opinion he would always look handsome to her but in this case, he did not look like he maintained his hygeine as much as he did before.

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Silence fell upon them as they sat on opposite sides of the dining table, they had been seated for five minutes and no words or looks were exchanged. Nehemiah finally cleared his throat and mustered up the courage to say something.

"Why?" The one-worded question hit Janelle like a collapsing building, her breath hitched as Nehemiah harshly asked the question again with a bitter tone. He was angry, and had every right to be, within his two weeks, Nehemiah never ceased sending her flowers and love notes. He wanted her to know that he wanted and fell inlove with her and her only.

"Why?!" He spat.

"Nehemiah I'm so sorry." Janelle choked out still not looking at him in the eye. "Sorry? You're sorry? Janelle look at me real shit." Nehemiah stated.

Knowing Nehemiah like that back of her hand, he never swore unless angry but even when angered he knew that he didn't condone foul language when you can voice your opinion in a mature way. His words violently jabbed at her chest.

Janelle looked Nehemiah in the eye and attempted to not sob. Tears fell down her face dripping down her chin to her neck. She tasted the salty taste that fell onto her lips. "Nehemiah I'm so sorry." Janelle whispered.

"Janelle answer my fucking question! Why did you do it? Do you know what that did to me? I pleaded and prayed to God. I felt fucking played that someone I am inlove with didn't even think twice about ghosting me. I can't eat, sleep, laugh, or even fucking talk without me thinking of you!" Nehemiah yelled standing up out of his seat. He was beyond angry and heartbroken, he was going to let be known by him too.

Janelle flinched at his words and couldn't cease her sobs. She shook her head and proceeded to apologise, she still clinged onto the past and she couldn't help but to use her unhealthy defense mechanism, which was for someone to never hear from her again.

"Nehemiah, you are better off without me, I do love you! I'm inlove with you! But I can't help but to trace myself back to that time where I was the most unhappiest ever. I want a future with you, I love you so fucking much it hurts knowing that's my biggest fear! I'm my own biggest fear! I'm scared that I will love you when you aren't finished loving somebody else!" Janelle stood up sobbing. Nehemiah's chest caved in as he began to cry aswell, he stared at Janelle in disappointment before sighing and embracing her.

Janelle breathed in his scent and just broke down, she grabbed a fistful of his shirt and weeped into it whilst Nehemiah just rubbed her head and back. He breathed in the shea butter fumes she uses into her hair and kissed her forehead knowing what he was about to do was going to break both of them.

"We need a break." Nehemiah's voice cracked as he formed the most distasteful sentence regarding a relationship. "I don't want to do it but it's clear you haven't completely healed and I dont want you scared of common things that are bound to happen in a relationship. I love you so much Janelle but you need this break in order to move on with your life."

Janelle's heart shattered, her red puffy eyes looked up into his before she shook her head and stepped out of his warm large arms. "You promised me." Her voice broke making Nehemiah look away not wanting to see heartache all over her face.

"I'm sorry, Janelle but your projecting your past traumas onto the people you began to love! You literally just spazzed out on Kailie the other day for her to break down into Hunter's arms! Hurt people hurt people you need to heal yourself and put God and you as a first priority." Nehemiah stated.

"You know what, you're right. I have been projecting my fears onto you all because that's all I know. That's all I knew growing up. That's how I coped. I do need help, and I do need to heal. I don't know who I am as a person. As much as it hurts, it's beneficial for both of us." Janelle nodded coming to relaisation. The mature thing to do was to agree and move forward.

"So this is it?" Janelle asked.

"It's not a break up, it's time apart to have our priorities straight. I will still be going to church if that's okay with you?" Nehemiah asked making Janelle chuckle. "It's your church now too, don't let me block you from your righteous blessings."

"I love you." Nehemiah spoke.

"I love you too." Janelle smiled.

The two embraced one another for the last time for an unknown amount of time. She watched Nehemiah hesitantly leave her house leaving her alone in her thoughts. I need help.