The Diary Of A Lonely Girl By Esmeray Love

January 2 2023

I'm not even gonna start with 'heyyy', I'm in such a terrible mood....

Heyyy,
I can't be that bad you know.

Well, today was not at all bad, school, friends, coaching, etc.

But tonight is definitely bad. You know what, now I'm feeling that day wasn't so good too.

So let's start with why does everyone think I'm a bitch
Whatever I do even out of respect, why is it always fucking wrong
I don't get this

Sometimes, actually all the time I wonder that I'll always be like this alone and more than that, lonely.

Today, my bitch friend, who's selfish and naive af decided to come in bus. I swear to God it made me so damn furious. Oh yeah and she isn't a friend anymore. Better read that as ex-best friend.

That's not all. How could it be when I have a this lizard of a father.
He doesn't allow me to watch what I want, wear what I want, go where I want, be with whom I want to. Trust me the list could go on for longer than you think but it's hard to hold my tears back while writing this.

I hate him. I fucking hate him so much, so much, so much, so much, so much.

Idk why writing is such a soothing process. Even talking to my mother sometimes doesn't give me the satisfaction the way I get it from writing. Maybe because it's unfiltered....

My exams are approaching and as usual I haven't done anything.
The worst thing is I don't even want to. But I need to. I know that.

I'm promising myself that I'll try my best to finish everything on time.
Lol I'm writing this here as a commitment.
Maybe if I feel better when I write here, then I can also make things come true by writing here. Weird thought I know. But it's so refreshing to keep writing like this like there's no forever.

I'm not good at goodbyes. And well this isn't one. Sorry (awkward nervous laugh).