The Diary Of A Lonely Girl By Esmeray Love

Surprise

Yeah so it's 7th only, I know sue me it's not that good of a surprise but I've been dying to write.

So I planned to get up early around 5 or something so that I can revise for my exams but mumma woke me up at 7.
Skip to the part I wanna tell.
Soo I walk a little to my bus stop.
And when the bitch comes in the morning to the stop, that is not so rare, her brother comes to drop her.
I was so damn nervous the whole morning that what if she shows up with him or even if he drops her by car it would be just too embarrassing to ignore them. Yeah because the option of finally meeting I don't think stands anymore.

For a person (he came back with his car) who smashes her phone if it freezes even for a millisecond ( I was a little young so don't judge me) I've been very patient with him.
Wait.
For him. (With a lot of embarrassment)

I can't take him off my mind. When he left for college I bunked my class to see him off. Waited like 3 hours for that. Didn't even get a goodbye in return when I so politely said it. He's on my mind 24x7. I've told that before ig but nevermind.
But.
I don't think he feels anything in return.
Fucking nothing.

If you haven't realised yet let me tell you. I love him. I loved all the times with him. When we used to talk in my best friend's room. When he used to tell me about his stupid game stuff. When he used to brag about his skills. When he used to tell me about his gym shit. When he used to tease me by ringing bell in my ears while everyone prayed. When he used to play with my hair when I wasn't noticing. When he used to show me his friends and his reels and his Avengers shit. When we bitched about my best friend. When we discussed her love life. When we discussed his love life. When we played truth and dare. When he thought that I liked his best friend. When he taught me how to drive. When we had that party. When he lied about his best friend to my best friend. When we had that night walks outside. When he saved me. When he picked me up in his arms. When we went to his crush's party. When he was driving. When we just talked shit on his terrace. Everything we did together. I fucking love him so much that I'm crying.

Ughh

This is all gone and I need to understand this and get over it.
This is not how I'm supposed to be.
If you can't fuck him then forget him.
And that's why I just wrote this here.

Hope it's not strong enough to still be left inside me. I've written this here. It's off me now.

There's nothing anymore.

Yeah.
I feel hungry but I just ate a couple hours ago.

Oh btw, exam went great (please universe don't play I've written this pls pls pls make sure this doesn't come back on me)
I don't usually say that I've done great because you know universe gets better of me and makes sure I get horrid marks in that exam.

But well I don't like to lie here.

And yeah also 50+ reads wtf are you guys doing lol.
Tbh I never thought anybody would be interested in this. In me.
But thank you
Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you soooooooooo much.

It makes me so happy.
You people are love.

Love y'all and I know I've said this thousand times now (ok not thousand but you get me right) but everytime I say it I mean it with my heart.

See ya soon
Oh my God my sis and bro are talking something about the bitch lol.

Be back soon.