The Diary Of A Lonely Girl By Esmeray Love

BACK AGAIN (20th October 2023)

Soooooooo, universe has finally brought me back here.
Feels like I'm back home...

The amount of growth I've had in these 9 months is more than I've had in 15 years of my life. It's as though I'm a new person, much much more mature now, patient (not so much but better than before).
For instance I no longer call my dad a 'lizard'. We have the best father-daughter relationship now. He's the best. And I'd like to apologise from the bottom of my heart for what I'd written about him. I'm not going to remove those things though, so that I always remember how I was, more so who I was.

A lot has happened in these months, and that was also the reason I wasn't here talking to you. I only come to you when I'm alone, lonely actually. You should be upset with me for this like I get upset from my bff aka 'bitch' when she comes to me as her last option.

But I know you won't. And that's why I love you soooooooo........... ♾️ much.

Alright so lemme just brief you with whatever has happened up til now...

So starting with my grades. Remember when I told you about my English exams and how poor they went, I actually scored the highest in English ( 76/80).
Overall percentage was 92.8% , would have gotten more if I'd actually studied. Still it's fine I guess. I came third so the one just before me had 93.4%, but she had basic maths so let's not count her. Btw she is the new school vice captain now, which I should have been. I dreamt it for years and then when the chance was finally here, I left it. But I'm past that too now, as you can ofcourse tell.
Back to where I was, the one who was first had 95.6%. Appreciative. I was first my class always and then this happens at the final moment. It's fine though, I'm past this too...

Till August, I wasn't regular in school, now I am. Nothing exciting in school tbh, just a couple of things happened recently.

Firstly inter school gk quiz competition. So I lost that, we were eliminated in the first round itself. And what was intriguing was that never in my life I had felt 'that' bad.

'That' was a very different kind of bad, one that I'd never felt before. One that nobody would ever want to feel. I cried that day as I reached home. Real tears. For the first time in life failure shone through my face. My mum didn't scold me that, not even once. My grandfather consoled me all day. And I just wiped my tears all day, as though nobody could see them.

I learnt the most valuable lesson of my life that day.

"Just experience it. Don't be mad for winning and don't go mad on losing. Nothing is in your control. But FEEL IT. ENJOY IT. LIVE IT."

my dear mum said to me...

And that's what I did 2 days later, a science fest in one of the most prestigious colleges in the central. We won the the first prize. It was a crime investigation competition. It was so good that it's going to be the story of another day.
But well I got my first memoir and cash prize. It was a very good day, not because I won but because I lived it.

Me and bff became friends again, as always.

But rn her brother is back here.
Oh
Oh
Oh

His brother has shifted back here and has admitted into the same prestigious college where I won. He'll continue there with law since he was getting really 'homesick'.

Btw I've completely gotten over him. I ignore him all the time, pretend like he doesn't even exist, and it's going pretty well...

Right so bff has gone off to hang out with her brother's friends', and she left me here all alone.
So I came back to you.
I wanted to write for so long and it feels so good to tell you all this. God, I literally had nobody to talk to.

Thank you soooo much.

The fact , well not a fact but the most probable reality, that nobody, my father or bff or her brother or anyone for that matter will ever know about this. About you and me. About my feelings that you keep so safe and I'll be thankful for that forever.

Ily sooo much.
I missed you soo much.

Wanna tell you much more but my eyes are drooping now, it's 12.47 in morning or night, well it's actually morning but it's the super dark 12.47, you get it right???

I'll tell you all of it soon.
Good night for now, scratch that, good morning for now.
Jk
Love u soo much
Byeee