The Diary Of A Lonely Girl By Esmeray Love

January 8 2023 (Again...)

Well no hii's no bye's today.

I just really really want this thing to go in my head that STOP FUSSING ABOUT READS AND VOTES AND STOP CONTINUOUSLY GOING FOR THE NOTIFICATIONS ICONNNNNN FOR THE GRACE OF GOD FUCKING STOP THIS THIS IS NOT WHY YOU STARTED THIS AND THIS IS NOT SUPPOSED TO GO LIKE THIS.

Yeah much better now. Told ya this place was magic.
Actually for a person who is obsessed with themselves and lovessssssssssssssss popularity (God 'he' came back) and I just had a chat with my friend. I really need and I mean it need a friend from time to time to keep me sane.
Sorry.
Back to the topic.
So yeah I've caught like an ocd or something of checking the notification bar.
But I've been thrown to my place by the very grounded me. So nothing to worry about now.

Bitch's petrol pump is soon going to have a hotel brother nearby. (Don't ask me why I called it brother I myself don't know lol)

Yeah well so not the bitch but her family her uncle to be specific owns a petrol pump, 2 actually. Besides many properties and businesses. Filthy rich these people are.
So well I came to know they're building a hotel nearby. And it is a very spicy news. Just wait till you know why.

So the petrol pump is the epicenter of a lots of drama. We don't usually go there but when we do it's fucking memorable. Soooo

The inauguration. Of the petrol pump was on March 18 or 16 idk tbh 2021.
We all went.
From my family only grandad and I went but omg I'm so excited.
So grandad went with the bitch's granny in some car.

The bitch and I (it hurts calling her bitch rn because she's been my friend since I was 6 we weren't so close from the start but still. The moments I've spent with her are something I'll cherish all my life.) Yeah keeping emotions aside...
We both had to go with his brother (I didn't have a single feeling for him that time except hatred ofc). And his best friend we're gonna call him ac. So he told us that we also had to pick him up.

Straight to the point.

I was flirting with ac on the petrol pump. And wait I forgot to mention the bitch had this 6 years of undying love for him that only I knew. Yes I knew. And I still did what I did. I wanted to. But then I realised my mistake and apologized. A lot.
We settled at the end.

So this was only the first time.

The second time we went there. Same date. Just a year later. On it's first anniversary.
Few of her family members and us I mean the bitch and me.

We were eating nachos in the car when I realised.
I fucking fell in love his brother.
I didn't tell her then. But she's always shipped us. And the guy and I always hated each other until the past year that is.

But well now fuck the petrol pump because
The bitch and I are no longer friends.
His brother is a stranger to me.
We no longer talk.
I'm lonely af.

And that's right there.

The fact that I started this. I've been fucking lonely my entire life and I'll always be. There's no escape. And this is the truth. It's brutal but doesn't hurt as much as it did 9 yrs ago. It's fine. I'm fine. I live or I die it doesn't matter.

I got myself too attached to this. I forgot that when I started this I was empty inside. Hollow af. Even those shatters no longer existed in me. Nothing.

This is me. Lonely.
And this is nothing but
The diary of a lonely girl.

Nothing more.