Why Are We (Jimin ff 16+)

chapter 10

Present

Yeji was hugging Yn on her couch
After a long pause, she spoke.

"I shudnt have followed him around. How should I say that- that i am not capable of love? I am not capable of loving. I am void inside. All these I am feeling for him, I don't know what these are . I just know I will protect him at all costs and never leave him because I can never break my promise. My mom kept hers . She made me who I am today. But him , what should I tell him ? About my-" she paused. Her face showed the horror . He hands fell cold. He soul felt numb.

"About the fact you have genophobia?"( It's a condition that can cause intense fear or panic when sexual intimacy is attempted.)

"The fact that you are scared of getting touched ? Scared to love allowed him; I knew something was off. I don't really feel too good for that guy. But I have never mistrusted your insticts. I have never not trusted you. Since you trust him, I do, too. So please open up to him . Please give yourself one more chance to have a happy life. Don't protect yourself to the extent where you imprison yourself."

"How can I not? All my mom wanted to do was protect me. She just couldn't!!" Hatred was visible in her eyes. She was breaking down . But one more thing that was unknown about her was the fact that he could never cry. Not for once could she get herself to cry about the worst day in her life. Even on the day when her mom died. . .

But as we all know, no one can supress themselves totally for too long . So, if not sadness, then anger. That's how it always has been . Yn's personalities were too different on and off . People would call her someone with a split personality disorder except the fact that she remembers whatever she does in both her personalities. It's her. All is just her.
No one knows the real her. No one ever could discover her until now.

Could Jimin do it ? Really ....could he?

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A few days passed since Jimin and Yn started dating. But she just couldn't get herself to tell jimin everything about herself. Every time he went to kiss her, she somehow just jumped out of it. They held hands . They hugged somehow. Yn tried to act as normal as possible.

Jimin, on the other hand, was confused but was blinded. He had nothing to do with Yn's problems at this point.

..
On the day of Yerin's bday

Everyone was invited . Though everyone in the group shipped Yerin and Jin ( since they were the only ones who were single) , they came to the conclusion that they were just really good friends.

Yn's outfit

Jimin's outfit

Both were twinning.
They were playing, never have I ever. Jin and Yn were like Tom and Jerry, always fighting over whom Jimin loved more. Anyways they were more friends than anyone else in the group. All were almost drunk. Except Yn , Jimin, and Yerin. Other friends of Yerin were there. When a guy entered, All the girls stared at him .

Yerin went to him and brought him to introduce him to her close friends. The first thing that the guy noticed was Yn. He gazed at her.

"This is my cousin Kim Namjoon!! Today is so special because he's never available . So I wanted to introduce him to my closest friends first, "

She introduced him to everyone.
Jin was too drunk. He was almost hugging Yn as a pillow. Namjoon was staring at her constantly. 

"Hi !" He said outta nowhere
"Hi . . ." Yn was confused with the out of a sudden intro.

When he went for a hug and side kisses as that is pretty normal in the US,

Yn was caught off guards, but somehow, she did not panic. Jimin glanced at her, but no one saw that. He went up for a drink after that. When Namjoon sat on his place , Jimin returned and saw Namjoon all laughing and touchy with Yn.
Yn looked back once and saw Jimin get away with his drink.

She excused herself after a minute. At this was even she was dazed . The alcohol almost hit her. But she was steady. She went to Jimin and called him.

"Go back and talk to him, no , why are you here?" He spoke without looking at her. With a furious look.

"Jealous??" She laughed.
"Why would I ?  As if I couldn't see you letting him kiss you!"

"Hey, that was so sudden."

"Okay, fine, let's fuckin kiss . We have never done that in the past two months that we started dating !! He suddenly comes and gets that....Wow!!"

Yn looked down. She was losing her sober self now almost.

Which was good .
"Hey !!" She spoke in her low voice.
"I wanna kiss you, too. It's just too hard for me. I wanna do everything with you i even had dreams of us having sex but i woke up because i just can't- i dont know when i ll be able to tell you but just know its really reallyy hard for me the day i do it will probably be like i trust you the most ,it has to be you, but i-i am just scared- " she looked in his eyes "but i trust you , just to proove how much i like you , so you dont ever have to get jealous or feel insecure , so that you know i will always belong with you , to know that i will have only you , to proove that i would do anything to protect you here . . . "

She pulled him into a kiss

He was speechless . For the first few seconds, I was not sure what she was talking about. He was drunk, but after this, he became sober and kissed her back.

After the kiss, he was fully flushed.
He hugged her.
"No matter what it is, I will wait , so tell me when you want to "
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