૮ome bake with me

13

painkillers - rainbow kitty surprise

You weren't sure how long you were sleep or even when you fall asleep but you woke up to the someone shaking your shoulder. 

You let out a soft groan as you moved away, letting out a yawn as you refused to open your eyes just yet. You weren't sure why you felt so tired but you were. 

You opened your eyes and was meet with the sight of Blurriness, you blinked a couple of times.

"Well morning sunshine, when you ready come in”, your grandfather stated with a chuckle as he left you be, you watched him leave. 

It was weird, you knew were your grandparents lived like the back of your hand, and you know how to automatically wake up when you got close enough to their home. 

Where you really gone for that long? It's only been a couple of months, right? 

✧

You closed the door behind you as you took your shoes off. You heard laughter coming from the kitchen so you followed. 

You peaked your head in to see who was there since it sounded like more people then usual. Your eyes widen when you saw who it was there. 

" mom?", You questioned softly looking at her, she looked away from her parents to look at you. She gave a weak smile. In truthfulness she looked a lot more tired then the last time you saw her. The tired she got when she -

"Yn, you've grown so much", She mumbled standing up and walking towards you, she raises her arms to give you a hug but you moved away and gave a weary smile. 

It's not like you hated her or anything but she kicked you out at 13, I think that speaks for itself. Even if she wasn't the actually one to kick you out and it was more of your step-father, she just stood there and watched. She didn't say nothing, didn't do nothing but watched. She watched has you cried and screamed to let back in and not abandoned you. 

And I don't know about you, but actions spoke just as loud as words. 

"yn", She started her voice full of regret but was cut of by a baby crying, you looked at her with a unreadable expression, she looked away.

You looked at your grandparents who looked away from your gaze. 

" Is that why I'm here? To be a 'babysitter' again", you questioned as softly as you can but there was sharpness in your words, your mother flinched looking at you. 

"No, no that's not why", she began to start, her eyes filled with tears as she looked at you, trying to touch your cheek. You just moved away, the baby never stopped crying. 

" you might wanna go check on it", You mumbled leaving the kitchen and heading to the spare room you call your own. Your grandparents had a big houses thanks to all the kids they've had which was about 8, your mother being the second to last born. 

You didn't really know a bunch about them, since they didnt really come around, they all lived over the world. All you know is that you had a couple of cousins some older and some younger. 

✧

You walked into the room you called your own when you slept over. You kept the light off as you navigated in the dark to the other side of the room and sitting beside the bed. You were in the area closer to the plug and where it was hard to see someone. 

You wanted to go home, your home. Your apartment, that didn't have any bad memories. 

You no longer wanted to be in the area were childhood memories thrived ( good and bad) , you no longer wanted to be anywhere near your mother. You had so many questions but you didnt wanna talk to her. 

Man, you hated the thought of being anywhere near her baby, afraid that she'll just through it onto you like she did with your other siblings. 

You know how you said babysitter? It was partially true, in your siblings eyes you were more of a mother too them then their own mother. 

You bathed them, taught them, feed them, clothes them and even took them to school on their first days(every parent, and if not most, should take their kids to there first day of school) . You shouldn't have to do all of that, especially not at the age of 12. You were more of a parent to them then their actual parent. 

You did not wanna play mother, and if you did you would've gotten pregnant - you wouldn't actually the thought of sex disgusted you to a point of no return. 

And plus, the Apple wouldn't fall far from the tree if you did get pregnant. 

But it made you wonder if your grandparents only brought you over was too play babysitter too. They couldn't be right,Right? The wouldn't would they. Did you really know them? 

Thoughts plagued your mind as your nails digged into your skin. 

You really didn't wanna be a mother/babysitter you wanted to be a teenager, you wanted to hang out with your friends: Mira and Daniel atleast you didn't know them all that while but they brought peace into your life(ironically since when fights and the other has a best friend who fights) and also you didn't talk to them like that and haven't been friends for long but they felt like you could truly be yourself around them and they wouldn't push you to be someone else. 

You loved your siblings more then they will every know but you want to be a kid again, do all the things you missed out on because your step-father was a alcoholic who forget what empathy is and found happiness in other people pain. A mother who was never strong enough to fight back when things were against her. A women who could never confront other even though she wouldn't too so bad. 

You would say you pray you would be like her but you know that wasn't true. Just like your mother you could never speak the truth you so deeply wanted to do, deciding to be quiet was apparently the best thing to do. 

I know it's short, it kept deleting so I just posted this part

Also, since when was lookism an anime???